Monday, August 24, 2009

Updated Homeschool Rules for 2009

I am a home school mom. So when ya'll do that "I'llbesogladwhenschoolstartsthesekidsaredrivingmenuts!!$#%^!!" thing, please stand your distance, because I just might pick up the nearest very large stick and whack you with it! The start of the school year means something totally different for me. To ensure that I maintain my sanity...wait, what am I saying, here?!? OK, OK, to try and appear a tadbit sane so I can fool...oh, forget it, that won't work either...
Let's try this again... For the benefit of my children, my brain, and my house, the following rules apply during normal school hours, which I believe are Monday through Friday prior to 3 PM...

1. I probably won't answer the phone, but you can leave a message and I'll call you back when I have a moment. Long discussions on dancing celebrities and political fallout won't be happening, though.

2. We have voicemail, not an answering machine. So don't yell into the phone, thinking you can annoy us enough that we'll quit ignoring you. We ARE ignoring you, but I'll never hear your complaints because I press "3" when I hear yelling on voicemail.

3. Cell phones owned and/or operated by children living at this address will not be turned on, and will most likely be in the possession of the teacher.

4. Drop-in visitors will be shot at first sight. So if your laundry detergent can't remove neon pink paint, don't step on our front porch.

5. I just might actually NOT answer the door if you attempt to break Rule #4. (We've got good aim - watch the upstairs windows.)

6. Our school day does not look like what you remember from 5th grade. If you drive by and see one of the kids playing in the street, just Smile and wave, Boys. Smile and wave. (well, if they're on a skateboard...if it's one of the babies, least stop and direct them to the sidewalk. Do not call the social workers, though...they're the ones who put the babies here to begin with...they think they're cute, but they don't want them back.)

7. Field trips may include a trip to Stuffmart for diapers and coffee creamer. Don't question it. Just go with the flow, and appreciate a family that teaches their children the Fine Art of Shopping, Economics, and People Watching all at one time.

8. If you REALLY want to help out, come over and take the babies for a morning. Visit Story Hour at the library. They like playgrounds, indoors or out. They like french fries, too.

9. Sometimes the kids get to escape for lunch with friends. Usually on Friday, IF they've cooperated with the teacher during the week. So encourage them to cooperate, or they may starve to death. From lack of spending time with friends, I'm sure.

10. School work includes learning how the REAL world lives, which equates to a JOB. If you see the kids hauling a mower down the street, it ain't for entertainment.

11.Combining teenage students with infants has been a challenge this past year. It's a constantly re-assessed and rearranged work-in-progress. I may chuck it all and head for the hills by October. Please don't look for me. I'm enjoying my blissful ignorance, and the coffee supply is endless.

The school administrator will take complaints. He's big, bald and sees in black and white. Good luck.

Thank you for the opportunity to provide you with...whatever you want to call this. We're here to serve.


The Mother said...

THIS homeschooling administrator thinks that EVERY experience is a learning experience. That means grocery runs, trips to the dentist, lovely afternoons in the park.

And dog walks--a special thank you to the police who stop mine every morning to ask him why he's not in school.

Deanna said...

The dog, or the kid? *grin*

Paula said...

Can I ask you a question? You HS? Why not Gabe? I ask because I am struggling with my decisions. I "planned" to HS. I envisioned kids in a row and teaching. So not a reality I suppose. With Carmyn I struggle with keeping her home, sending one or sending both. How did you come to this?

Deanna said...

We've been homeschooling our two older boys and Savannah for 5 years.
Gabe attended the public school system until age 11-ish. When we pulled him from the school, following a series of safety concerns and general discontent with the system anyway, we had NO clue what we would do with him. He had been going to a service center for students with autism spectrum disorders, on a very part time basis, and his neurologist had just diagnosed him officially with Pervasive Dev. Disorder. This opened the door for him to be able to attend the service center full time, paid for by the Ohio education system's Autism Scholarship Program. (A HUGE answer to prayer, because frankly, I TRULY did not want to try to figure out how to educate him by myself!) He gets one on one attention 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, almost year round, attending his school. He would not get that if he was at home with the rest of the family. If Gabe was the only child, our decisions about education would probably be different, but for where we are in life right now, this is what's best, overall. When parents decide to homeschool ANY child, they have to look at what's best for that child, but ALSO how it will affect the whole family. No situation is going to be perfect, and believe me, I have days when all I do is second-guess myself, but stepping back and looking at the whole picture, I know that, for the most part, we're on the right track.
You have to decide what you want long-term, and make your short term goals based on that.

As for the kids in a row...
don't limit yourself like that! ;-)
We all have a picture in our mind of what something will or should look like, then life happens. And sometimes, what happens is much better than what we saw in our heads.

Wendy said...

A friend of mine homeschools and I think she has problems with it largely because she can't manage to enforce rules 1-5. Seriously. Her nine-year-old can't read and her 12-year-old has the maturity of a 3-year-old. Put. Down. The. Phone. I call her rarely now, and I know it hurts her feelings, but I'm not going to be one more obstacle to those kids learning.

This includes her own mother, who calls her every single day and lets her have it for 1-2 hours at a time about how she doesn't think this homeschooling is a good idea. To which I thought, "well, it can't possibly work for as long as you keep taking her calls!"

Paula said...

Thank you Deanna. I know ultimately I have to make this personal decision and what is best for our family. I am still upset that "my" plans were changed. God has something bigger and in my immature ways, I just think my plans are better. I know I have a year, so lots of prayers and enjoying what I have.