Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Torturistic Ritual I Insist Must Happen Annually

If you think that it's easy to get 6 kids properly aligned with the stars at just the precise moment you need them to be, wearing semi-matching clothes, sporting semi-respectable hairstyles, and semi-smiling simultaneously...

Find another blog to read! One that's written by a Non-crazed Mother!

At ten bucks per person for a sitting fee, even the local Walmart studio would cost me a minimum $60, just to walk in the door. Tack on the price of the photos, all the extras they guilt me into purchasing, plus the ones that actually ARE adorable and I've just plunked down the equivalent of what's left in gold at Fort Knox. (Scratch that...the politicians spent it on their mistresses.) Regardless, large families and photography studios for a one-income-earner family in a bad economy just don't mix. Then, you add in the hilarity of trying to get a child with Angelman Syndrome to co-operate with his annoyed-at-having-to-dress-up siblings and keep his hands out of the baby's hair while being gripped around the neck by the three year old...

Just. Ain't. Happening.

So, to make up for all these issues, once a year, I tell the kids what color to pull out of the dresser drawer (or pick up from the floor, depending on the child in question). They groan. It's simultaneous! Why can't the smiles be like that?!? I make sure the camera batteries are charged - this project usually takes a while, and I'm not about to let a little thing like dead batteries cause me to have to start over! Tom dons his armor, and collects a significant amount of noisy toys and other paraphernalia that may prove useful in distracting and/or attracting attention, deflecting flying shoes, and removing embedded articles from walls, Christmas trees, and heads.

Following below, in no particular order, are the results of this group effort. Individual photos are in order, oldest to youngest.

I need a good stiff drink, thank you!

The best shot of the day...we'll take it.

Bucky, trying to convince everyone of a job well done. Emphasis on DONE. Tiffany, praticing mid-air River Dance moves.

Bucky, posing goofy, since we're NOT done, while Tiffany tries to clean Dylan's ears.

Dylan, whining because Preston is enforcing Mom's "Keep Dylan's socks out of this picture" request.

Bucky, catching Tiffany as she decides she can't stand the pressure and will be in her trailer! Preston is apparently considering growing a mustache for those thoughtful, yet fun-loving moments when one pauses to stroke the upper lip.

All children are in various stages of recovery, following Tiffany's foot connecting with Dylan's cranium. He only required 97 stitches and a sidestop at Sonic Happy Hour for 1/2 price slushies.

Preston, nearly 18

Bucky, 16.5

Gabe, 15

Savannah, 12.5

Dylan, nearly 4

Tiffany, 17 months

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


Paula said...

Very nice family pictures. I think you did very well!!! We only have two, so we did the "paid" portrait. NIGHTMARE!!!! Carmyn, my angel, just would have no part of being still and the 4 year did not help. They turned out very nice but did take 100 pictures to get the few good ones. Oh well...all is done!!!

The Mother said...

Despite my advanced training, I cannot come up with anything more tortuous. I concede to the master.

We don't do the holiday photo drill (not being holiday inclined), so I have to come up with more intriguing ways of terrifying my progeny.

Having surgery and forcing them to clean and cook for two weeks seems to be going well--I'll keep you posted. Maybe you can use this at some point in the future.