Monday, April 14, 2008

The Saving Place

Speaking of helping people...

I recently had the opportunity to spend some time waiting at the "service desk" at our local Kmart. I don't frequent this store often, because it seems when I do darken their doors, it inevitably means doing time working on the so-called virtue of patience.

Naturally, the phone had to ring itself off the grimy desk countless times while I waited to exchange some little boy clothing for even smaller-sized little boy clothing. (This was done in an effort to keep my older children from referring to our precious 2 year old temporary family member as "Homeboy".) I also worked on avoiding eye contact with a gentle(?)man who was, more patiently than I, waiting for the team member to make phone calls for assistance on how to issue a Western Union money order. It appeared that this man believed that $100.00 would get him from Northwest Ohio to Texas to sell the cattle he owns there. I'm not sure of the details, because I have a hard time eavesdropping while not making eye contact, but that whole thing sounded slightly fishy to me. He looked like a shady drug dealer to me, and I can only hope that if his story checks out, he's driving a Festiva, which is about the only way he'll make it 1200 miles on 100 bucks. And hopefully he doesn't need to transport his cattle by himself.

The clerk behind the desk was a pleasant if slightly unkempt woman of probably about 55 but she obviously hadn't learned the value of either giving up smoking or utilizing Oil of Delay, so she looked a little antique-y. She further strengthened my belief that Jane Seymour is the only woman on earth who can make long hair look good past 50. She was responsible to answer the persistant phone.

"Thank you for calling Kmart. What can I help you discover today?"

WHAT????

Discover? I realize it's most likely got something to do with the fact that Kmart and Sears are partners and Sears has something to do with Discover, and they're trying to subliminally trick you into using your credit card to buy Tide the next time you're in their store, but "What can I help you discover today?" ???

Well for starters, let's do an Easter egg hunt with only Cadbury Caramel Eggs. Then we can move on to how to make a size 12 body look like a size 5, followed by the perfect non-fading hair color, and which purse matches my eye color the best. We can finish it all off with the Fountain of Youth.

"What can I help you discover today?"

Oh good grief!

1 comment:

Mrs Hannigan said...

Just saying hi. I love the way you think, and these crazy thoughts we amuse ourselves with. I wonder how /kmart convinces their stff to say that? "We have secret undercover callers so you better say it right."