Make Mine with Nuts, Please

Over the years, I've participated in many different types of "personality" tests for various reasons. School, college classes, sales training, counseling, trying to figure out how to get along with other people, trying to figure out how to get along with myself, just for fun - you name it.

The results are usually fairly indicative of my core self in all it's glory, with only a couple "Yeah, right" glitches here and there. I'm a people person, I can listen sympathetically, I like being in the limelight sometimes, I can make my own fun, I talk alot (that doesn't necessarily mean I'm actually saying anything), I put other people's needs before my own, I'm demonstrative, emotional, thickheaded, stubborn, loyal, creative, action-oriented - I'm not boring.

What's funny about these "tests" is that I pretty much have to do them blind-folded, because if I jump ahead of myself and read the questions and have time to think about my answer, I try to analyze what the "correct" answer will make me look like, so I might not be completely accurate when I answer the questions if I think the answer will make me boring. For example, one test was figuring out what my choice of vehicle says about my personality. OK, I'm a Mom! What do you think I drive? It's a green mini-van. Trust me, I don't drive that because I WANT to! I want a convertible!! Top down! In the rain! But oh no! I have to be RESPONSIBLE! I put other people's needs before my own! Plus I just can't afford the Mustang. Drat!

Then there's the Internet.

Online personality tests crack me up. I appreciate how they stick to scientific evidence when formulating the questions and calculating the answers. They are always completely accurate, hitting the target each and every time. It's obvious that the facts are checked, rechecked, and checked again, similar to the fact-checking rules and criteria to which National Enquirer and Star strictly adhere.

For example, last night I did a quick one, 8-9 questions, on "What kind of chocolate are you?" Apparently, I'm milk chocolate. That's great - Hershey Bars are my absolute favorite kind of chocolate when I want something that is nothing but chocolate. No nuts, no dark, no white, no crunch. Just chocolate. Then I read on - This diagnosis of milk chocolate is apparently because I "have my head in the clouds". First, wouldn't that make me "white chocolate"? Unless, of course, it's a rainy day, in which case, I should be labelled "Cookies and Cream" at the least. But nope, I'm milk chocolate because I have my head in the clouds. ??

I'm not sure what pipe I've been smoking recently, but I haven't seen any clouds close up. Who has time to sniff the sky when they have 2 2-year-olds in the house, 3 teenage boys to feed, and one stuck-in-the-middle girl who can run circles around everybody AND the clouds?

Then there was the test that posed the question "How real are you?" ...(this should be fun)...
My assigned answer - 69%

HUH??

Ya don't get a whole lot more REAL than me - I'd say I'm about 98% REAL. There are times in life when I successfully bite my tongue hard enough that the pain keeps me in check and I don't blow my lid being real. Generally it has something to do with church people extolling the virtues of the likes of Joyce, Joel, Rick, Ed, Rob, Benny, Richard (you get the concept, right?) yet being unable to point out a sound piece of Biblical evidence for why I should listen to how the "preacher" in question is trying to "bless" me. Being "not real" that 2% of the time is the best I can do. Maybe it's just because I don't "feel safe" being real with everybody 100% of the time - that's my official psychological reasoning.

If there was a test for "How long do you rant about unimportant topics?" I would ace it! I bet I would be 100% Real Pure Cocoa.

But this test...THIS test was right on the mark!

You Are Smores

Unusual and unconventional, you make your strange ways work for you. You've got personality - no one's denying that!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?