Saturday, May 2, 2009
She Wore An Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weeny, Yellow, Polka-Dot.....Burlap Bag!
I was reminded last night of why it's been well over 6 years since my last bathing suit purchase. Just looking at the price caused a mild heart attack. I am not about to spend $86 dollars to learn Humility Through Donning Spandex!
Upcoming events require that I be dressed appropriately for water activities. I don't know how to swim, so how many of these activities I actually participate in will be somewhat limited. If being in the general vicinity of the action requires appropriate dress as well, the management may need to change the rules about not letting people wearing garbage bags into the roped off areas!
Typically if I'm around water, it's a lake, so I can wear what I want. Shorts and a tank top, or shorts over an old bathing suit, or something along those lines. I haven't been in a public pool since...well, I don't recall ever being in a public pool. However, feeling the pressure to conform, I took a stroll through Kohls last night to see just how The Others...you know, the Ones With Bodies...dress when in or near bodies of water.
I searched till I found what I thought would be a tolerable piece of equipment. (That's the only way to refer to something this distasteful. "Cute" and "Sexy" are really quite obnoxiously unkind, not to mention untruthful, words to choose when viewing swimming apparel on the body of a mother-who-birthed-4.) Figuring that a "shorts and long top" style would be better, not to mention cheaper, I grabbed a couple sizes of the same style and headed for the dressing rooms with the Mirrors From Hell. I was certain I wouldn't look any worse than the 60-ish grandmotherly-type lady, quite a few pounds heavier and a couple inches shorter than I, shopping in the same Misses department.
I have no idea what that lady looked like, but THIS lady ain't goin' out in public wearing what she tried to wear in that claustrophobia-inducing hole! The sticker-shock heart attack wasn't enough to do me in, but the broken neck from falling down laughing almost made death a reality. My first thought, after picking myself up was "Oh my gosh! There's no way I'd let my boys see me like this!"
Despite what many people think, Image Isn't Everything. However, image is SOMEthing! And no one should have that image in their mind. That whole "picture is worth a thousand words" thing... I only need two words..."NO WAY!"
(image from google)