Those Dirty Dogs!

It's the new media rant and it goes like this:

"Health Buzz: Pediatrician Group Wants Killer Hot Dogs Remodeled"

Let's break this down a bit. Hot dogs are full of chemicals. The meat is the leftover parts of animals that you'd really rather not think about. I don't even trust the "all beef" label...beef shouldn't look like that. They're just gross. They're certainly not healthy for your body.

So here's my beef with the whole Killer Hot Dog issue (aside from the sheer stupidity of it)...if they're gonna push for warning labels on the packages, can't they at least include something like "If you don't die from choking on this putrid stuff, you still stand the chance of dying a much more slow and painful death due to all the crap we put in these things. Or you might die from the toxins infused into your body to treat the cancer you get from repeatedly abusing your body by ingesting filth. Just sayin'."

But ya'll just go ahead and re-engineer a staple of the American Diet. Keep those kids from choking to death. Heck, make a law mandating that parents teach their latch-key kids a Self-Heimlich, so they can survive another day to play that xbox 360 till Dad gets home from work at 9PM, just to be on the safe side. We need more laws telling parents how to keep kids safe, don't we?

Or, listen to mom and don't goof off when you're eating hot dogs.



Oh, Good Grief.




*disclaimer* I do buy hotdogs for our camping trips and occasional summer backyard cookouts. I'm not a purist. In any given year, I may purchase a total of 8 packages of hotdogs. I have to smother them with so many condiments that the hotdog disappears. I would just eat the relish, but people would think I'm weird. And I ALWAYS cut them up for my little ones.

GAH! Seriously, People??!?

This GRINDS me!

"I didn't want to give up my fast food."

ARGH!

First...Taco Bell is just gross!

Second...while you might actually lose weight doing this, you probably won't be healthy!

Third...just....EW! Ick! Yuck!

You didn't become a tub-o-lard overnight, and you're not going to be a size 8 overnight. Use your brain, if the chemicals in your fast food haven't petrified it yet! Fresh fruit is tasty. Fresh vegetables are yummy. Eat some good, filling protein. Water is your best friend. Don't get hooked on this season's American Idol - spend that time walking.

GAH!

Oh, good grief!


(and for the record, I am overweight...)

I Know I'm Petty, But...

Could SOMEone please explain to me WHY Facebook status updates like "So-and-So is off to watch TV!!!!!" (buy groceries, cook dinner, flush the toilet - you get the point) get a bazillion exclamation points and 27,000 people "liking" it?!?

What is so stinkin' awesome about Sally Somebody going about her everyday activities? Do I know the only 3 people in the world who can come up with something interesting, hilarious, disturbing or challenging? Granted, I don't have 8,439 friends. My requirement for approving friend requests is that I actually know you, spend time with you, used to spend time with you and now don't due to life's circumstances, or attend some type of church/school/community activity with you. Maybe if I approved every person that ever lived, thought about living, or has still-living relatives, I could find someone with a life more interesting than the local real estate transfer log!

Worse - the people who "like" the boring activities! What?!? Can't you cook? Don't you shop? Never heard of coupon clipping? Darn it, people! Get lives! Read a book! Go skiing! Spend an afternoon on the Elderly Bench in Main Action Alley at Walmart! (Yes, there IS such a name. Gag.) Volunteer to wash windows at the local jail! Do SOMEthing, so you don't think your best friend from first grade is so dang great because she remembers how to blow her nose! (Unless she's had a stroke, in which case, great for her that she's recovered that important skill...it's ever so much better than using her sleeve, but do you REALLY believe that she had a stroke and forgot how to blow her nose but she is at Astounding Tutoring Farmer level in Farmville? You're so gullible!)

And what's with the church-sign mentality for status updates? ACK! If I want a Cotton-Candied Positive, Morally Uplifting, Spiritually Emotional, Biblically-Inaccurate, Intelligence-Devoid bit of Drivel, I'll drive by 94% of the churches in my county and pick my favorite. (Or listen to any number of popular televangelists, but we won't go there tonight - I don't want to lose my supper.)

And don't you DARE tell me what you're cooking for dinner! I Do. Not. Care. that you're considered the greatest chef since Teflon came along...feed your family. Leave us out of the meal planning! We all know you eat......

Geez, people! Watch a movie, and write down a funny line you hear. Quote it as your status. Not only will it make you appear funnier than you are - it will make people wonder what drug you just ingested.

To All Rude People, In Regards to My Daughter's Size

Dear people:

This is mother. Normally, I'm friendly, but today I'm a little irritated with ya'll.

My daughter, while she does have her moments, is generally not a rude person. She would most likely not walk up to you and say things like:

"You're fat."

"You're short."

"You need to eat less."

Because, while those things may all be quite true, she isn't mean. (Unless she's on drugs. Then all bets are off. Mean, or humorous. You decide.

She probably also wouldn't say things like:

"You have on 2 shirts."

"Your clothes match."

"Your hair looks funny."

...or any number of other simple observations...

Because, for one thing, she figures you have a mirror, and you can see these things for yourself, if you bother to use that mirror.

So let me give you some advice.

Shut up!

It's not necessary for you to point out that she's tall, slim, and fashionably dressed.

Oh, and also...

Quit asking me if I feed her.

Or I'm going to punch you.

Sincerely,
Mom

More Things That Shouldn't Be

Something just doesn't seem quite right here...





At a place where I can fill up my tank...




and get the van washed...




I can also use my food stamps. (Well, if I had food stamps, that is...)

Yeah, plenty of great healthy food at this place!! (I'm warning ya...do NOT get me started on making me pay for my neighbor's pop and potato chips! It won't be pretty, and at the very least, the innocent clerk at the grocery store should get the striped shirt for free if she has to play referee!)

But first, I'd like to suggest a consultation with a marketing professional, or maybe hiring someone slightly skilled in creating coherent signage.

Am I getting the special of the day, a good car wash? (Why would I want a bad one?)
Is gas only $2.00? Is that per gallon or per tank?
Are the cigarettes the deal, or are we playing some kind of 3-pack card game?
Is there a qualification process for the free lighter?



Am I the only one around here that thinks this is a little wacked?!?

Need Some Time Away?

Happy Anniversary to my oldest sister and her husband. They've been married for 33 years today.

If you're around Kimmell, Indiana, (Ft. Wayne, Goshen, Shipshewana, Nappanee area) stop in and see them.

Stay for a meal, or a night. They're pretty accommodating!

UGH! Don't Be Stupid!!

I've got some ideas...

When the World Health Organization comes up with a vaccine to prevent stupidity, perhaps it could be tested on people who think like this. What in the world is 10% of the Eygyptian population (because that's about the percentage that actually consumes pork) supposed to do with 100% of the pig meat, ALL AT ONE TIME? That's a lot of sausage gravy and biscuits!

When a Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth Vaccine is invented, Mainstream Media Personnel should be the first in line. (And please, Ms. Needle Injector, use the BIGGEST needle you can find.) Perhaps then, we'll get the facts straight in stories like this one. This was not an American child. This child was brought to Texas from Mexico.

When the Anti-Fear Vaccine is created, it should be tested on people who watch this first, for a good control group in future testing. ;-)

----------------------------------

Wash your hands. Don't share spoons and straws. Wash your hands. Stay away from public drinking fountains and pay phones. Wash your hands. Maybe try a vitamin or two, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, drink lots of water...and WASH YOUR HANDS.



Oh, good grief.

It's Monday and Sometimes I Just Rattle

THIS article is goofy! Do we really need to be told these things? I can go a step or two further in pointing out what should be obvious, but apparently isn't, since a news article has to be written to address these issues. Did they just need filler for this edition?

Bottled Water -
Everybody knows it's cheaper, short term, to drink water from your kitchen sink. (I say "short term", because over the course of your life time, you'll drink lots of water. You'll also be consuming fluoride in that water, if you live in town. So are you really saving money? How much fluoride does the average person take in during their life span? It ain't good for ya, you know! Highly toxic crap there, people.) I cringe when I see people buying those big 24-packs of water bottles. Even on sale, you rarely find them cheaper than 4 dollars a case, and that's for the store brand! Unless you're going on vacation and need the convenience, quit buying those bottles and go to your local Culligan water supplier, and fill up a few reusable containers. It's 25 cents a gallon. You do the math. (And if you're drinking filtered water for health reasons, you should be cooking with filtered water as well, by the way.)

Gym Memberships -
I think I have more friends who do NOT use their gym memberships than those that DO. "I haven't been to the gym in three months. I just can't find the motivation." Well then, can you just cancel your membership and give the fifty bucks to me every month? Go for long walks on warm days, and pick up a set of weights at a garage sale this summer for cold days. You'll be further ahead, plus you'll have the added benefit of improving your arm muscles by dusting the weights off once a month. We all know you're really not that into physical exercise, anyway.

Organic Produce -

"Sure, buying organic makes you feel like you’re doing the right thing, but it isn't always the best choice for your wallet. Fruits and vegetables like kiwis, sweet corn and broccoli require very little pesticide to grow. Others -- like avocados, onions and pineapples -- have thick or peelable skins that reduce your exposure to harmful chemicals. “Any pesticide that remains is not getting through,” says Lempert."

WHAT??!?? "Here, Deanna - we only put a little rat poison on this broccoli. It will only make your left eye twitch for ten minutes after you eat it. But mind you, if you eat the apple that we full-on sprayed with the junk, watch out for full body convulsions followed by your tongue protuding out your mouth and wrapping itself around your neck causing death by strangulation. Don't bother suing us, because we warned you. And besides, it would probably be considered suicide."

For real organic stuff that won't cost an arm and a leg, and even if you have VERY limited space, check out Square Foot Gardening. We have big plans this year that hopefully will yield much better results than last year's space-wasting attempts to be more healthy!


Music Downloads, Insurance, Warranties, Overdraft Fees - Don't we know this stuff already? Must be the fluoride...

I Would Offer Her Coffee If She Was My Neighbor...

*The article written herein may or may not be the actual viewpoint of the writer. Writer chooses to contain her opinions on all below-mentioned names for various reasons (for the time being, anyway...)



Ok, America - Please make up your mind. Is Nadya Suleman irresponsible for birthing 14 children and mooching off the system? Or should she be banished from society for trying to earn money by selling the video of her octuplets' birth?

You say you don't want your tax dollars paying to raise her children, but neither do you want her to make her own money to feed and clothe the clan.

You trot right out to see John and Kate when they come to your church, and you religiously tune in to The Duggars. Do you think they're putting their family on display for free?

You just can't have it both ways, people.

Leave the woman alone! Unless you're gonna go offer to change diapers and rock those babies to sleep, shut up and go back to your video games!

One Wedgie-Headlock Comin' Right Up

(image from google)

Take a walk through our county seat on a warm summer day, and you might be treated to the smell of Butterscotch or Cherry Dum-Dums being cooked. But trust me, when I get suckered, I don't feel much like taking the trolley tour of Spangler's Candy Company!

I've had some suspicious looking charges on my phone bill for the past 4 months. I thought it looked a little higher than should be, but it wasn't an extravagant amount, so I let it slide. Finally this morning I sat down to sort out last year's bills, receipts and other junk needed for taxes, and decided to deal with the problem of the extra $13.86 for Emergency Voicemail that's been lounging on my Embarq bill.

Can ya'll see the steam rising over Ohio??!?

Phillip at EBSI didn't act the least bit concerned that a John King (OK, thief! Can't you at least be original?) claimed authority online to charge my phone bill for a 1-800 number. No, Phillip can't tell me who this person is. Yes, he can trace the IP address, but I will have to file a police report and let them contact EBSI to gain access to that address. He will refund my phone bill a total of $51.80. He wasn't interested in chatting with me for long, for some reason.

Grrrrr!!

My phone call to Spencer at Embarq was much more productive, although just as disheartening. I wasn't happy with his answers, but he did say I wouldn't be held responsible for the charges. He was happy to enlighten me on how this happens, though.

It appears that there are 3 companies in particular that are allowed to 3rd-party bill through an Embarq customer's phone bill. They are the above-mentioned EBSI, and two more: UBSI, and IDL. Upon Googling these 3 miscreants, it seems that's exactly what they are - up to no good!

A ne'er-do-well boonswaggler randomly picks a non-suspecting phone number owner and signs up for various phone services online using that person's number. In my case, the twit only needed an Emergency 1-800 number, but I found other victims who had been charged hundreds of dollars for who-knows-what. Had I been hit with exorbitant bills, I would have investigated sooner; fortunately I was only being taken for 14 bucks a month - but by golly, that's a couple gallons of milk and a loaf of bread!

This problem can be avoided by having a 3rd-party block put on the phone account. Except that will mean no one can call our number collect. That could be a problem. Hmmm, Spencer, what can we do to fix this? (Placed on hold...again...) The solution to this was to place a block on each of those three companies individually, keeping the possibility of collect calls open. However, should more companies pop into existence, there's nothing stopping them from stealing from me, until I figure out what they're doing and have a block put on them as well. "Um, with all our technology, you can't fix this problem?"

"Unfortunately, Ma'am, that's the way our program works."

(Ever heard of firing your techs and hiring some real computer whizzes, then?) - No, I didn't say it....grumble...grumble...wish I wasn't trying to obey the Biblical book of James right about now...)

But my biggest question, which Spencer had no decent answer for, was this: When I call Embarq for ANYthing regarding my phone account, I have to verify address, phone number, and security word. They will not discuss my account with me if I don't know what the answer is to my security question. So how in the world could Mr. John King sign up online for ANYthing regarding my phone account???!!!????

Where's the Homeland Security when you actually need it? HA!

Bottom line? Watch your phone bills for weird charges. Better yet, call your phone company and tell them you want blocks on the 3 companies I mentioned. And if, on your way to StuffMart tomorrow to spend your extra $13.00 President Obama just gave you, you just HAPPEN to rear-end a car being driven by a Mr. John King, please remember his address for me - 'cause I'm gonna kick his butt!!!






(Googled Dum Dums Taste Better!)

Stimulating Thoughts In Honor of Crooked Politicians Everywhere - But Which Have Little To Do With Politics

Overheard at the beauty salon:

In a discussion regarding the recent birth of 8 precious babies to a woman who has 6 additional children: "Shouldn't Social Services step in anyway? They only have 3 bedrooms!" um....call me nutty, but I don't believe not having individual bedrooms is cause to require a visit from Child Protective Services. And silly me, but I'm thinkin' that CPS is probably onto the case, as it's PLASTERED ALL OVER THE WORLD!!! Leave the poor woman alone!

Apparently one of the hairdresser's children has contracted the horrible disease known as Chicken Pox. "And she had the shot!" (I nearly fell off my chair laughing at Savannah, who was nearly falling off her chair rolling her eyes. Fortunately, her bangs were covering her eyes good enough that only I knew she was rolling her eyes.)


Points to ponder:

If you're going to drive left-of-center for an extended period of time when I'm advancing toward you minding my own business in my own lane, you probably shouldn't identify yourself with "S---n Farms" splashed across your windshield. I'm just sayin'...

Little Mister D, it is never a good idea to demonstrate that you've had enough dinner by picking potato and cake crumbs from your plate and flingin' 'em over your shoulder when Mama is watchin' ya...

In Today's Inbox

Please allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Snopes dot com. Don't confuse me with Snape, a character from Harry Potter. (I have information about Harry, if you're interested.)

My occupation is to dispel rumors, myths, urban legends and similar problems. Some of the issues I have quite capably resolved in the past include:

Miracles Coke may or may not perform

Quotes people may or may not have actually uttered

Science experiments gone wrong...or right

Interesting scenarios for getting ripped off

Lately, though, I've been kept quite busy with a particular subject near and dear to my heart. This topic comes up regularly. It has to do with petitions of every size and shape. During political and holiday seasons, I am more frequently called upon for my wisdom. While I empathize with the feelings of people everywhere who are affected by unmentionable atrocities, please be aware of the ineffectiveness of online petitions. Your efforts at ridding the world of cruelty and injustice will be much more successful if you chose a more proven vehicle to accomplish your goals. Try elbow grease, time and money donations, education, and prayer. Not necessarily in that order.

Please feel free to visit me whenever a question arises. Most people who keep me at the top of their favorites list find that I can answer questions about myriad topics. My close cousin, the forward button, also suggests you utilize me more and cut back on using her. She's exhausted. (And a little disgusted, but she never complains.)

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Mr. Snopes

The No Solicitation Rule In Our Town Isn't Just for THAT!

Dear EKG Construction Company Annoying Sirs:

Would you please quit sending your representatives to our door? Yes, we're aware that we need a new roof. We realize that you offer financing. I wonder how many more times we'll have to inform you that we simply can't afford your services. We were dumb enough to let the first guy give us an estimate. You were dumb enough to think we'd fall for the price tag. We didn't. We won't. In all honesty, we can't afford a new roof at the present time, no matter how cheaply you offer to perform the job. We've heard from reliable sources that perhaps that isn't an inaccurate description of the quality of work you provide. We don't intend to gain first hand knowledge.

I'd like to offer a bit of advice. For future reference on future victims clients, your sales personnel may experience slightly higher success rates if they bother to get dressed, eradicate the cigarette odor, and use Visine to mask the bloodshot eyes. But that's just a suggestion.

I'll Take a Bald Win

So life's been a little crazy around here lately. I've lost touch with reality.
Ok, not reality, (actually some people would tell you that happened a loooooong time ago!) but maybe a few things I should have kept up on.

The short list:

1. Healthy eating - with 2 babies in my house, I'm lucky to get stale Cheerios and a
PBJ by 2PM. Thank goodness coffee is quick and easy to make!

2. Thin(ner) hips - see #1.

3. Showers that last longer than 37 seconds - again, the babies...

4. Semi-regular dates with Tom - this is sounding like a broken record!

5. Politics - but I know for whom I'm voting.

My van still says "We like Ron Paul". We still get comments about that from people. I don't intend to change it any time soon. Even if the white shoe polish would come off easily, I'd leave it there on principle. Besides, I don't think I can fit www.campaignforliberty.com across the front of my windshield.

Since Ron Paul ended his campaign for presidency, I've been doing bits and pieces of research, in what little time I've had, to see who should get my vote in November. McCain and Obama are definitely out. I had a couple people ask me, when McCain picked Sarah Palin, what I thought of her, or if I would vote for that ticket now.

Where is a billboard? A Really Big Billboard? A HUGE GIANTGONDO BILLBOARD???!!???

NO! Deanna will NOT be voting for McCain. Sarah Palin isn't going to save the country!

So I briefly looked at Bob Barr, the Libertarian candidate. I do believe that Mr. Barr voted for the Patriot Act. Next.

Nader, McKinney...did someone say Ross Perot is still alive and listening? - Moving on...

I had read some of Chuck Baldwin's articles, and he seemed pretty decent. He's the
Constitutional candidate. I like the Constitution. I was leaning toward casting a vote for him. And then...

Voila! Ron Paul likes him too!!! If you're into the "Government shouldn't tell me what to do, I'm this kid's parent and I can raise him myself, I obey the law and Washington should too, Why am I paying for other people's mortgages when I can barely afford to fill my gas tank, Somebody Put the Brakes on Here!!" mentality, you just might like him yourself.

Now I won't have to write in my own name!!

An Open Letter to Sarah Palin

Dear Mrs. Gov. Palin: (Or is that Gov. Mrs. Palin?)

You look like a pleasant lady. You have nice hair. I'm not upset with you that your 17 year old daughter is pregnant. Congratulations on becoming a grandmother. If you played a role in firing someone because someone else hurt your sister, I can sympathize, on an elementary level. When I was in 4th grade, I bonked my teacher's grandson on the head with my fist because he was picking on my little sister. I promptly reported myself to my teacher and told her I would do it again if he did it again. He never did, so I didn't have to uphold my promise. In high school, he and I were great friends. I had a crush on his brother in 6th grade. He bought me some Sweet Honesty Avon perfume for Christmas, and I hid it from my mother for 7 months, because I feared she would be angry that I knew boys existed. Sadly, that brother was killed while riding a bicycle on a poorly lit country road a few years ago. My mother had nothing to do with the accident. I would still hurt anyone who hurts my little sister.

I think we share some things in common. I hear you have a special needs infant. From this point forward, your life will never be what you pictured. You will have many questions. You will never get the answers you want to some of those questions. You will be angry. You will wish things were different. You will watch your other children accomplish goals in life, and be sad that maybe this child will never have those same experiences.

You will need to lean on God for strength, because you will not have enough on your own power. Your faith will be tested, and you may be angry with God. That is ok. You can get through this.

Your child needs you to advocate for him. Every day. Every where. No one will ever love him like you will. He needs you.

Our country does not need you to be our vice-president. And just between you, me and the newswire fencepost, I think your theology and basic life philosophy is a little mixed up. I'm stepping out on a limb here, but I don't think the Iraq war is a task from God. Call me crazy and all, but I think maybe Mr. Bush might have pulled the wool over your eyes.

Please go home. Stay there. Take care of your baby. Come out when your brain unfreezes from the Great Alaskan Frigid Air. I think maybe we could be friends then.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Deanna

*&^&*^!!#$

I love a good bargain. I'm cheap that way. If you're in the market for home school paraphernalia, here's a good place to find lots of group buy discounted resources.

Until the end of August, Discovery Education has a huge discount on their streaming subscription. Alas, due to the condition of my computer, I won't be purchasing this particular item at this point, but I'd like to. My kids would love it! I need a new computer, first. It's on my list of Seriously Need to Think About Getting items. Right below Bigger Van, Dishwasher, Garbage Disposal, and Fourth Trash Can.

Who knew that adding 2 babies to your house would double the amount of trash a household can produce in a week!!

The computer alone is about to take up the space in one trash can! And you can just forget me being Environmentally Friendly and recycling this stupid thing! Going green is exactly what this heap-o-junk has done - every picture I see on this screen looks like the best man in my sister's wedding, which took place in a (non) air-conditioned church on a hot July afternoon.

It has me seeing red. Red and green combined produce brown. Brown is the color of...well, this is supposed to be a family-friendly joint, so we'll leave that word up to your imagination. But it's equivalent to how I endearingly speak of my computer.

Houdini, Alcatraz and a Wheelchair, As Told By Gabe

I have some advice for people who find themselves in a situation not quite to their liking.

The first order of business is to glance around your location and choose an object that will hold your interest, even when the road isn't so smooth. You need to be able to stick to your guns in a tight spot. Any object will do, as long as it's a motivating incentive for YOU. In my case, what kept me focused was my little sister's car seat. It wasn't very far out of reach, but it was certainly going to require some effort to attain what I wanted!






Step 2 is to contemplate how best to escape this contraption you're sitting in at the moment. Pretend to be doing no such thing, so Mom doesn't suspect anything out of the ordinary. (Although in my case, there isn't a lot that actually IS ordinary, but hey, give me a break!)









If you think it will help, pretend to be asleep.











Or very, very bored.










Once you have planned your route, set things in motion with great determination.











If Mom glances your way, just act like this is the most comfortable position you've ever assumed.










If extra people show up while you're working out the details, hide and refuse to answer any questions. Claim that you don't understand English, if you must.










Slowly slip out, a bit at a time and hope that no one notices.










Breathe a sigh of relief when you realize you're nearly there.










Try not to panic when your depth perception problems surface.









Once you've managed to clear the hurdles, strike your best model pose and act casual.











Kiss the ground when you reach it - that's good luck.









Study any sections you had difficulty with, and begin to incorporate into your thought process the alternatives for the next excursion.









Do not kick the offensive object, because you'll get new bruises.










Give Mom a completely and utterly adorable grin when she confronts you with the ridiculous "What are you doing??!!??" question. (Don't say anything like "What does it look like I'm doing??" - that makes Mom angry, and you'll get called a smart-butt.)









Carry on with your plundering of the goods as if this actually does belong to you.








Pay close attention to the small details of the item you originally set out to conquer.








Again, and I can not say this enough, a stern look goes a long way to keeping less able-bodied persons away from your treasure.











This type of manuevering works best when there are many other activities taking place around you.

For this particular exercise, Mom was distracted by a neighbor at the door needing to ask a question. The dumb dog was barking, so she had to be contained. (I should mention that this dumb dog has BEEN being contained for 2 weeks, because she is jealous of my new little baby foster sister, and her chosen method of stating her displeasure has been to begin eliminating her solid waste products on the floor where Mom can see. Mom has been threatening to take the dog away, but she says there's a little more room at the end of her rope to tie one or two more knots. I don't know what that means.)

While Mom was saying goodbye to the neighbor, my little brother smashed his fingers in the front door, and pushed the door shut with his bike. While Mom was cleaning him up, a mosquito flew in her ear. And the baby started screaming. I thought Savannah was going to pull out her hair. Instead she just put my little brother's jammies on him and took him to bed. Mom just stood in the middle of the dining room and laughed her head off. I think she's lost it.

Not the End of My Oddness

So I had this bowl of nasty crayons that I just hated to pitch, being the el cheapo that I am. What to do? I zoomed over to this place and found that I can indeed do something useful with these annoying little clumps of wax. The something useful was keeping a couple kids occupied for a while. (We have 10 kids at our house right now, 6 ours, 4 not ours but related, so apparently I'm required to feed them PBJ's right along with my own.) The girls spent an hour peeling and chopping up crayons, and stuck them in the oven. We got quite nervous when we saw them melting because it appeared all the colors had blended together. But when we took the muffin paper off, the bottoms of the melted crayons were simply stunning. (As stunning as melted crayon bottoms can be.) We took them out of the oven after 7 minutes.

I have discovered that all my efforts at healthy living can go out the door in an instant when there's a clingy 2 year old and a hungry newborn in the house.

My nephew is way taller than I am. My niece is nearly even with me. I am wider than they are, though. (Singularly, not combined -oh, my!)

I've been suspecting that James Dobson has lost his ever-lovin' mind, but now it's been confirmed!




Give 2 girls a bag of flour, a container of salt, and a pot of water and you'll have playdough blueberry pie in a couple of hours.




My older sister has a daughter that never shuts up. My younger sister has a son that never shuts up. My belief that God loved me more so He spared me that type of child has been thoroughly destroyed. My 2 year old foster son hasn't stopped blabbering since we got him.

At Least It's Not White Underwear

This lovely scene outside our village caught my attention. I had to do a little research, because as patriotically beautiful as it appears, it just didn't seem right.



The flag should not be used as a drapery, or for covering a speakers desk, draping a platform, or for any decoration in general. Bunting of blue, white and red stripes is available for these purposes. The blue stripe of the bunting should be on the top.

The above, along with much more flag etiquette, can be
found here, and here.

The Flag Code is apparently a "voluntary" protocol, but I do know that you don't want to disrespect people's patriotism or step outside your authority if the flag police are watching. Tim Russert even managed to stir up controversy after his death because someone who obviously ignored Flag Code ordered flags to be flown at half-staff. Good ol' George W. and the insidious John McCain have also been in hot water for not following the rules. They signed flags for admiring citizens. That's a big No-No. Then there's always Mr. Obama, The Man Who Just Recently Discovered That Displaying A Flag On Your Lapel Makes People Happier.

I suppose I need to get rid of my red t-shirt bearing a flag picture and the words "Kiss me, I'm American", now that I'm up to speed on what's acceptable...??

Speaking of Killing Time...

A few notables:

The mosquitoes are out in full force in our backyard. We have become prisoners in their minds.

Our garden is looking good despite my lack of pulling weeds. Mosquitoes.

Next week I will be feeding 10 children. My niece and 3 nephews dare to tread on Ohio territory. (Actually they can all feed themselves. My role is Food Preparation.)

I had a very strange dream last night about buying smashed eggs in muffin papers and Kroger shopping carts.

Sailing is fun. Even when there isn't much wind. Only then it's really not sailing, is it? More like just boating.

There's a new VeggieTales movie I haven't seen. It's a blend of complicated moral dilemmas with light-hearted vegetable frivolity. (and when I'm sitting down, my legs resemble Jimmy and Jerry Gourd.)

My 15 year old isn't happy with me.

Parents should read the lyrics of their kids "Christian" music, too.

The last 2 sentences could be construed as having something to do with each other.

I am not anywhere near ready to start school again.

My sister's roses are blue on my computer because EVERYthing is blue on my computer. Maybe I should feed it some Prozac.

Horizontal stripes really do make one's body look chubbier. Buy a full length mirror. Use it. Ignore my appearance when I pretend my mirror is broken. It's just my alter-ego dressing me.

Assembly-line diaper changing is effective, if not exciting.

2 year olds can really make big messes quite quickly. I had forgotten that aspect of parenting/housekeeping.

Maybe it's best to not mention to a friend, also a teacher, that most of what kids learn in school isn't all that beneficial. Shrug.

Eating bread and pasta makes my stomach mushy.

I don't comb my hair every day. That's why they make big hair clips for thick hair.

McCain and Obama just aren't all that.

Fingernail polish makes my toenails grow weird, and painful.

I'm OK with my non-medicated lunacy.