Showing posts with label Look What I Did. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Look What I Did. Show all posts

Monday, February 15, 2010

Happy Monday to Me!

Our local paper has a trivia-type photo game to play. A photographer will shoot a picture of any object of his or her choosing that is located somewhere in the county. They publish a portion of the photo in the newspaper, and the object is to guess what you're viewing. The next day, they publish the entire photo. I have no idea what you win if you guess correctly. Probably nothing but the satisfaction of a job well done.

In honor of this game, I give you the following section of a photo I took.



Know what it is yet? If you guessed Swiss cheese, you're wrong.




If you guessed "Plastic diaper cover accidentally tossed in dryer", you win! Congratulations! Much like our newspaper, the gift you get is your own satisfaction.

Now, before you go thinking I'm all green and whatnot, never fear. I'm neither overly environmentally sensitive, OR stupid ambitious enough to use cloth diapers. Did that with my first two to save money. Discovered I'd rather be slightly sane than rich. Switched to She Who Must Be Hated By Eco-Conscious Wackos.

The real reason I have had these crinkly panties, as they're referred to in our house, is because not only am I of the Anti-Global Warming Frenzy lot of Americans...I am also a card-carrying member of the Moms Who Don't Change Diapers in the Middle of the Night Club. And the Save Yourself Some Laundry Loads By Putting Crinkly Panties Over Your Daughter's Diaper Just In Case She Drinks Too Much Before Bedtime Club.

What dumb thing have YOU done lately?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I Need Sunshine On a Cloudy Day

Does it matter that it was 7 PM last night before I realized my underwear were on wrong side out?

I hate cold weather. It's depressing. It makes me not care about things like clothing...and eating right...

Now, if I can figure out which way to put on my unmentionables, maybe I'll stroll on over to Taco Bell and let them help me lose some weight.



--------------

(FYI...I'm laughing as I type this...no deadly weapons are in sight, so don't call the Stress Unit.)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Torturistic Ritual I Insist Must Happen Annually

If you think that it's easy to get 6 kids properly aligned with the stars at just the precise moment you need them to be, wearing semi-matching clothes, sporting semi-respectable hairstyles, and semi-smiling simultaneously...

Find another blog to read! One that's written by a Non-crazed Mother!

At ten bucks per person for a sitting fee, even the local Walmart studio would cost me a minimum $60, just to walk in the door. Tack on the price of the photos, all the extras they guilt me into purchasing, plus the ones that actually ARE adorable and I've just plunked down the equivalent of what's left in gold at Fort Knox. (Scratch that...the politicians spent it on their mistresses.) Regardless, large families and photography studios for a one-income-earner family in a bad economy just don't mix. Then, you add in the hilarity of trying to get a child with Angelman Syndrome to co-operate with his annoyed-at-having-to-dress-up siblings and keep his hands out of the baby's hair while being gripped around the neck by the three year old...

Just. Ain't. Happening.

So, to make up for all these issues, once a year, I tell the kids what color to pull out of the dresser drawer (or pick up from the floor, depending on the child in question). They groan. It's simultaneous! Why can't the smiles be like that?!? I make sure the camera batteries are charged - this project usually takes a while, and I'm not about to let a little thing like dead batteries cause me to have to start over! Tom dons his armor, and collects a significant amount of noisy toys and other paraphernalia that may prove useful in distracting and/or attracting attention, deflecting flying shoes, and removing embedded articles from walls, Christmas trees, and heads.

Following below, in no particular order, are the results of this group effort. Individual photos are in order, oldest to youngest.

I need a good stiff drink, thank you!






The best shot of the day...we'll take it.



Bucky, trying to convince everyone of a job well done. Emphasis on DONE. Tiffany, praticing mid-air River Dance moves.



Bucky, posing goofy, since we're NOT done, while Tiffany tries to clean Dylan's ears.



Dylan, whining because Preston is enforcing Mom's "Keep Dylan's socks out of this picture" request.



Bucky, catching Tiffany as she decides she can't stand the pressure and will be in her trailer! Preston is apparently considering growing a mustache for those thoughtful, yet fun-loving moments when one pauses to stroke the upper lip.



All children are in various stages of recovery, following Tiffany's foot connecting with Dylan's cranium. He only required 97 stitches and a sidestop at Sonic Happy Hour for 1/2 price slushies.




Preston, nearly 18



Bucky, 16.5



Gabe, 15



Savannah, 12.5



Dylan, nearly 4



Tiffany, 17 months



Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Cake, or Next Time Someone Else Can Drive

Last week, we had Dylan and Tiffany's adoption party celebration. After 16 months of waiting to adopt them, 2 months of party planning, (well, really more than that, because I've been planning to plan a party for a very long time!) and a few hours of decorating and cooking, we pulled it off.

Other than knowing we'd get to introduce our new children to some friends we hadn't seen for quite some time, the biggest thing I was excited about was their cake.

When Dylan first came to live with us, he brought one change of clothes, a couple of diapers, and a couple of small trinkets that the police officers involved in the case had given to him. That was all.

When he got to our home, he attached to a small, stuffed Jo-Jo, from Disney's Jo-Jo's Circus very quickly. Jo-Jo went everywhere Dylan went. He played with her so much that her nose wore off, so then he kept her under his pillow all the time so her "broken nose" wouldn't lose more stuffing.

In planning the party, I decided to go with a circus theme, for two reasons:

1. It describes our family perfectly!!

2. I wanted to have a huge Jo-Jo cake made by a local cake artist. (I don't use the term artist lightly...she really does do great work!)

Sunday morning, we skipped church (Shhh!) and spent the morning finishing up for the party, which was beginning at 2 PM. I left the party spot, retrieved the cake, and headed back to the party spot.

The cake was gorgeous. Perfect. Jessica did a WONDERFUL job.

(Photo courtesy of a very smart cake maker named Jessica, since I didn't get one with it looking like this!)

This trip, half-way across our small town, should take approximately 1.3 minutes, although we do have a double train track, so it sometimes takes longer. There were no trains during this trip. And apparently, I was trying to shorten the time to 1.1 minutes, because my foot slipped off the brake pedal. This, of course, caused me to hit the brakes again, a little too hard...

Yeah, you know what happens next...

I heard it going, reached back to catch it, as it was sliding off my van seats (which had been laid down for this particular excursion)...

Yeah..




Yeah....



Tom managed to salvage Jo-Jo's face, at least. Everybody said "Oh, don't worry about it. The cake tastes fine."

In the great big grand scheme of life, the fact that this cake hit the floor doesn't matter one iota...

Still...

Friday, June 26, 2009

P. Allen Smith I am NOT

I bought these flowers less than 3 weeks ago. They were beautiful! And only $12! I hung them on my porch. Thank goodness I took pictures of them! Because..........



...obviously, my green thumb is sorely lacking something necessary to keeping plants alive!




Can you over water petunias? Is that really even an issue, when I don't remember to water them everyday, AND there's a hole in the bottom of the pot to drain extra water?

On the upside, though, my vegetable garden looks pretty good, so I'm not a complete failure...so far!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Do I Have To?

This time last year, I waxed philosophical (Sorry, Phil - I know that was painful!) and blabbed about a few things I wanted to accomplish in 2008.

How did I fare? Well...


1. Plant a garden with more than tomatoes and zucchini. Not intentional, but sometimes you have to take what you get! - ROFL!! I found out later this was probably a pumpkin...???? Maybe??

2. Start and FINISH making our bedroom look like a bedroom, and not a catch-all. Somewhere I have pictures, but I can't find them. It's still a bit of a catch-all, but at least the walls look nice! We did get a remodeled bathroom, though! It has so much more room for Gabe to move around! And my washer and dryer are upstairs now! Wow!!

3. Help raise significant funds for Gabe's school to build a new
facility. Must have team cooperation - I don't know who the team is. Maybe next year?

4. Have a ton of fun celebrating Preston's 16th birthday. Yes, we did!!

5. Find a new(er) van that has 2 doors on the driver's side!! (long teenage legs...) Nothing yet...gotta be soon, though! We can no longer go anywhere as a family without driving 2 vehicles...

6. Help Ron Paul win big. We did our best! Funny how he was ignored in the media until the Bailouts became Top News...then he was all over television. He's doing lots of good things, though! Pay attention to what he says - he's a very smart man.

7. Help Savannah improve her sewing skills. She's working on it.

8. Spend a long weekend away with Tom. (Florida???) It wasn't Florida, but Tom did plan a surprise weekend away for us in May, right down to the sitters! We fought off the vicious raccoons while camping at Pokagon. No kids, no cooking...My husband is wonderful!

9. Locate some indoor skateparks for Bucky. Still looking...any ideas?

10. Adopt a child. (We're approved, licensed, and ready, ya know!) April 9th - got Mister D; July 16th - got his sister Baby T; November 17th - biological mother voluntarily surrendered parental rights; December - biological father extradited back to Ohio for court hearings; WE WAIT...

11. Finish paying off Bucky's braces, the bike, and various small bills. Progess made.

12. While we're at it, paying off the house would be a HUGE answer to prayer. I dream big! Still dreamin'...

13. Follow God in dealing with a particular family situation and find peace. Hard to know how to handle - so many people affected in so many ways...

14. Be a Godly influence to my children's friends. I'm sure hoping it's a godly influence! Recently one of Bucky's friends told him that he thinks Tom and I smoke pot because "No one can be that happy ALL the time!" ROFL!!!!

15. Send Christmas cards! Does buying them last year, losing them, and finding them again count for ANYthing?

16. Have family pictures taken! As evidenced by the photos on this blog, we have not experienced any professional photo shoots this year!

So what's on the agenda for 2009?

I'm thinking about it.

At the top of my list is improving my attitude. I have such a hard time reading the book of James, because I really hate being slapped in the face. If I didn't have so many people getting in my way and annoying me, I wouldn't need to bite my tongue now, would I???!?? Hard as I've tried to convince myself, being separate doesn't mean I can go on extended vacation. Drat! Guess that rules out living in solitude in the Fiji Islands.

I have no more room on my list - this is gonna take a lot of work!

Friday, December 5, 2008

You'll Like the Taste of Chicken

Savannah and I absolutely LOVE to go to Seasons Coffee Bistro for Saturday morning coffee and cheesecake. If we're there at lunch time, we like the White Chicken Chili. I decided to try my hand at making some at home. If I say so myself, it was quite exquisite. One of the better soups I've made. One thing I don't understand though - why does the back of the bag of beans say to sort and rinse? I have no clue what I'm looking for when I'm sorting, but because I felt like being a sheep today, I did as I was told - I was really hoping for a gold coin, or something. Nothing! Just white beans. I suppose that's a good thing. Most likely why I needed to sort them. On to dinner...

Ingredients:
1/2 pound Northern beans
2 large onions
1 stick butter
1/3 c. flour
1 c. chicken broth
2 12 oz. cans evaporated milk
1 T. Tabasco sauce
1 T. chili powder
1 t. cumin
1 t. salt
1 t. pepper
1 t. garlic powder
Fresh or canned green chili peppers to taste
2 pounds chicken breast (more or less depending on preference)
1.5 c. shredded Monterrey Jack Cheese
8 oz. sour cream
---------
Prepare your beans ahead, or used canned.
I used boneless, skinless chicken breast, bought in bulk.
I cooked probably 10 pounds in the crock pot for several hours in about 3 cups of water, and shredded it.
This will make enough chicken and stock for at least 3 family size soup meals.
Freeze what you don't need for this chili.
I will make chicken and dumplings, and chicken tortilla soup, with what's left.
----

In a skillet (cast iron preferably):
Saute onions in butter
Stir in flour, cook 3 minutes
Stir in broth and milk, bring to boil
then simmer till thickened
Stir in spices
Add beans and peppers
Transfer to crock pot
Add cooked, shredded chicken, cheese, and sour cream
Let simmer for 20 minutes.
Garnish with cilantro, tomatoes, tortilla chips, etc if desired.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Noon. This Saturday. ABC. Be There!




I told you I was thinking about it. I did it. I waited until after the obnoxious lying political ads ceased, and I made the call.



I kindly explained that I wanted the cheapest, most basic of packages available. For a mere measly 15 bucks a month, we now have Time Warner Cable. Gabe can now enjoy quality commercials like Party in My Tummy and other motivationally-intended nonsense.



Savannah has been a bit under the weather over the past few days, so the Cable Guy showed up just in time to keep her mind from being completely bored out of it's skull while she convalesces.




We all know why the cable was really installed!




Never let it be said that people in this family can't multi-task while watching the Buckeyes!




Yes, Gabe - as a matter of fact, we DID kick Illinois' butt!




Ah, Uncle Jim! So good to see you again, even with the black smudge across the screen. I've missed you!




We teach our children at home. The important stuff, naturally!




Straight home from work, pick up the baby, plunk onto a chair - no rabbit ears required. Maybe now the neighbors can return to their delusions that we're normal.

Probably not - one of Bucky's friends told us last weekend that his mother had said to him earlier in the week..."You should tell them to take down that Ron Paul stuff from their yard."



"No, they won't. It's their revolt against the election results."

She still let him spend the weekend with us, though.

And for a fitting ending...




Bring.It.On.





(sports images courtesy of google images)

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Blahgly Top 100 (Sung to the Tune of Casey Casum's Weekly Top 40)

I currently have 8 friends on MySpace. Of those, 5 are family members, 1 is my best friend from high school, 1 is the daughter of a college friend, and 1 is a family friend/friend of Bucky's.

Bucky has 100 friends on MySpace. I think he doesn't even personally know many of them. They're bands, friends of friends, and people he's probably spying on, interspersed with actual friends. He makes fun of me because I "don't have any friends". I tell him I'm going for quality, not quantity. He's a people person, a party animal, a social dragon, so he doesn't get it. That's OK.

He may have 100 friends, but I...I... have 100 posts...right here in my own little world.

And so, to honor that fact, I'm going to list 100 strange things that are somehow vaguely related to me. These strange things won't change the world, light up a room, or bring world peace, but they make me grin,(mostly??) and it's my blog, so I can say them.

1. I was born in Albion, Michigan.

2. Albion, Michigan has a park by the cemetery.

3. We used to drink water from a natural spring in the park.

4. Last I knew, the natural spring was fenced off from the public because it's contaminated.

5. Now I get water from a natural spring outside Fayette, Ohio.

6. It has a lot of iron in it.

7. I hate ironing.

8. I once melted one of my mother's headscarves trying to do her a ironing favor.

9. I think party favors at weddings are a waste of money, unless it's chocolate.

10. The best kind of chocolate is milk chocolate.

11. I would like to have a cow so I could have free, raw milk.

12. Raw implies nakedness.

13. On vacation with my dad once, I made him laugh by making a smart comment about the Naked Furniture store we drove past.

14. My dad accidentally spilled Aunt Janet out of her wheelchair while we were laughing about the Naked Furniture.

15. We were walking into Denny's for dinner.

16. That vacation involved too many Denny's.

17. I have a brother-in-law named Dennis.

18. Uncle Ernie used to call him Denny.

19. Uncle Ernie called everybody by their name, plus y.

20. In the church I grew up in, most everyone was related, except our family, and a couple others.

21. We still call everyone Aunt and Uncle.

22. I was in Houston when Uncle Marvin died.

23. He was our Song Leader, and my favorite Uncle.

24. His wife dyed her hair.

25. That was a big No No.

26. I dye my hair.

27. Gray is a big No No.

28. Long gray is an even bigger No No.

29. I went to a chiropractor a few years ago and he gave his opinion on women having long hair.

30. He was pompous.

31. He didn't help my headaches.

32. Now I go to a really nice chiropractor that lets us borrow his sailboat.

33. I don't have headaches anymore.

34. He recommends strange beers every once in a while.

35. Blue Moon is OK.

36. Corona is still tops.

37. Our grocery store has a singles aisle.

38. I'm married, but I tried it out anyway.

39. YOU really shouldn't think that way!

40. I bought 6 different kinds of beer.

41. So far, I've only liked 1. Shock Top. Liberty Ale was DEEEEEESGUSTING!!

42. I'd make a horrible alcoholic.

43. I'd also make a horrible junkie.

44. I got to experience a morphine drip when I had a car accident.

45. When I told someone that I thought my head was sitting on my pillow beside my body, the nurse told me I was getting high legally and to enjoy it.

46. I enjoy lots of things, but being out of control isn't one of them.

47. I would enjoy a nice vacation with Tom.

48. I'd like to go to Italy for our 25th anniversary.

49. We've been married for 17 years.

50. We met on a blind date.

51. He was the 3rd Tom I dated.

52. Tom number 1 was a loser. Loser. LOSER. (How do I make that L bigger??)

53. Tom number 2 was a mama's boy. Mama's Boy.

54. He was 20. He had a curfew. Next.

55. Obviously, the ol' 3rd times-a-charm is true in my case.

56. After our first date, I was so impressed that I asked him for a 2nd date the following night.

57. We went to a Carman concert with my sister Teresa and her husband (Denny), and my sister Tam and her friend Randy. (I only know of one person who calls Tom "Tommy". If Uncle Ernie was still alive, I'd know two.)

58. On the way home, Tom told me I could lean my head on his shoulder, if I didn't drool.

59. ???!!???!

60. Tam thought that was extremely comical.

61. Randy fell asleep and went in the ditch on his way home.

62. When Tam was a teenager, and before I was married, I was the chauffeur for her and her friends. (Usually Tim, Dawn and Randy. Sometimes Angie.)

62. I took them to a Carman concert once. (Different time - before Tom)

63. At this concert, I was standing between Randy and Tam during a song where Carman had everyone dancing with their arms around each other's shoulders.

64. Randy flung his arm around me, being funny. His hand landed...well, his hand landed.

65. Randy was 15. Randy was embarrassed. Randy's hand disappeared just as quickly as it landed.

66. I had to bite.my.tongue. and figure out an appropriate amount of time to remain calm before I could safely lean over and tell Tam, without embarrassing the kid so much that he walked the 55 miles back home. (I'm dying, here.)

67. Randy is now a chiropractor, married to Angie Carrie, in a town about 6 miles away.

68. We don't borrow his sailboat.

69. We went to a boat show about a month ago.

70. My favorite was listed at $364,000.

71. I'd take one for much less.

72. Neither Tom or I know how to swim, but that wouldn't stop us from going to live on the ocean.

73. There aren't many chances of running into stupid people out there.

74. There are no Walmarts in the middle of the Atlantic. Yet.

75. I hate Walmart on Saturday. Shoppers in Dirty Pajamas Day. Stinky.

76. I prefer to shop there on Sunday. Shoppers in Church Clothes Day. Fresh.

77. I wear jeans and hoodies to church alot. But they're clean.

78. I like this time of year, cause I can wear my hoodies all the time.

79. I only have 3. Red Ohio State, Pink Nasa and Purple plain. (Christmas is coming.)

80. I don't think I'll ever be a Red Hat lady.

81. I've pondered starting my own Anti-Red Hat Club.

82. One of these days, I might get smacked down if I insult the wrong person.

83. I don't generally try to insult.

84. I just don't always care that what I say is offensive, since that's subjective anyway.

85. I've been removed from blog rolls. I think this
was just too much for some people.

86. It made me laugh. And ponder a post about Tidy Christians. I haven't gone there yet.

87. There's little that's tidy in my life. I actually hate that word.

88. Tidy implies boring.

89. I'm actually content to be a homebody most of the time, but I don't feel bored.

90. I don't feel the need to have Girls Night Out. Gag!

91. That term creates 2 pictures in my brain.

92. Drunk women acting stupid at a bar, and sober women sitting around talking about coupons, cooking and submitting to their husbands.

93. I think I'd need to go out with the drunk women to be able to tolerate the sobers.

94. I do use coupons and cook. And last I checked, Tom still wears the pants in this family. I'm happy to let him have that responsibility.

95. Growing up, women wearing pants was a No No.

96. Growing up, I had a dog named So So.

97. I also had a dog named Pete.

98. His mama was named Sugar.

99. I used to put sugar in my coffee.

100. Now I'm man enough to drink it non-sugared. (Who needs sugar when you put half a cup of French Vanilla creamer in it?)

101. I'm not too good at that countin' thing yet. Which explains why I'm posting this now, instead of 3 posts from now. (That, and just 'cause I can.)

Oh, time for me to shut up and sit down? Well, so there you have it. My life story in 100 easy bullet points. Which reminds me, I need to check into gettin' some shootin' apparatuses for deer-killin'. We had venison steak today, and it was quite yummy. I'm thinkin' 'bout givin' 'ol Annie Oakley a run fer her money. Or inviting Ted Nugent to my ranch.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's Only Tuesday??!??

So far this week, I've:

Managed to avoid finishing the bathroom painting project

Tripped over our stupid Dog With Jealousy Issues

Convinced at least two of my son's friends that I'm a complete lunatic

Drank over 12 cups of coffee

Missed, narrowly, a car collision with the local school principal (her fault)

Changed countless poopy diapers in 3 sizes

Considered taking up smoking to deal with Politically-Induced Stress

Thanked God I'm not a teenager any more

Pondered how much food we need to survive a National Crisis (definition open)

Called and emailed Senators and Representatives to speak my mind

Paid way to much for gasoline

Defended my reasons for not voting Republican or Democrat

Been informed that someone can hardly wait until he's 18

Wished I could take a vacation



It's been a long week.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

"Whaaat's Goin' On, Haeeere???!!??!?"




This is evidence that we do indeed have a garden this year. Despite the fact that we have neglected to pull weeds, (thanks to the mosquito infestation in our town,) we've still been able to pull a few vegetables off the plants and scurry back in the house before we get Draculated and infected with West Nile Virus.

As you can see, the zucchini, yellow squash, and acorn squash have provided a meal or two for us. We're just starting to get tomatoes. (Tom put nearly 60 plants in the ground - if any of you are lycopene deficient, please stop by - we can help.) Our green beans fared miserably. At last count, we had picked a whopping 3 beans from the stems. Our apple tree is going to yield lots of apples - we'll have to dodge the bad spots, but they should make decent applesauce. The pear tree is about to fall over from all the fruit we're just about to start picking.

But here's where it starts gettin' weird. We have a compost pile near the garden. We toss all of our peelings, rinds, eggshells, coffee grounds, etc on the heap. We have some type of squash plant growing in the middle of the pile. It has a multitude of blooms on it, but absolutely nothing edible. We have another type of plant, resembling a zucchini plant, growing in the compost.

Savannah just picked this ...thing... today, from the zucchini-imposter plant.









We didn't know what it might be, but it was about the size and color of some small seedless watermelons we saw at Walmart yesterday. We bought some watermelon earlier this year, and of course threw the leftovers on the compost pile. It's not watermelon. It has the taste of eggplant - very bland and basically tasteless, actually. It has the texture of waited-too-long-to-pick zucchini - kinda spongy. It has the shape of watermelon. It has seeds in the pattern of cantaloupe. It's too weird to eat. I think I'll name him...Bambi.




Then there's these guys.







They are actually IN the garden on plants that are SUPPOSED to be cucumbers!! The inside looks, tastes, smells and feels like cucumbers. Obviously, the outside is yellow-orange. They are planted near, but not overly close to, carrots, watermelon, peppers, cantaloupe and yellow squash.


My green thumb is actually blue, and needs resuscitation. Leave it to me to have mutant vegetables!!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Chocolate-Flavored Calgon

A little while ago, I posted a meme that included a question regarding any confessions I might need to make. I didn't feel inclined. Now I do.

Tonight, I took Preston and Bucky to a friend's birthday party, and due to the fact that gas is at a politically-charged all-time high, I remained in the town where this party was being held and killed some time. I visited the local Dollar General and bought 2 mixing bowls. We've been needing a few extras. They were a buck fifty each. I bought some shampoo for Bucky. I bought a bottle of water.

I drove to the park, and fed baby T. who was along for the ride. She's gorgeously beautiful and I wish I could share pictures of her - alas, I'm told by the state that I must not do this.

As I was feeding the baby her yummy formula, I indulged myself with the 2 other items I purchased at Dollar General.

Doritos.

Chocolate Frosting.

I had no spoon, so I had to use a straw. (I figured this wouldn't look quite so strange to the bicyclists passing through the park, as opposed to just simply using my finger - something I have been known to do.)

When I picked up the boys, I snagged a plastic spoon from Tracy, the mom in charge. Thank you, friend.

Bucky thought I was a little disturbed, and declared me to be in danger of developing acne and getting fat. At that very moment, I really didn't care.

Deanna is exiting the confessional now.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Houdini, Alcatraz and a Wheelchair, As Told By Gabe

I have some advice for people who find themselves in a situation not quite to their liking.

The first order of business is to glance around your location and choose an object that will hold your interest, even when the road isn't so smooth. You need to be able to stick to your guns in a tight spot. Any object will do, as long as it's a motivating incentive for YOU. In my case, what kept me focused was my little sister's car seat. It wasn't very far out of reach, but it was certainly going to require some effort to attain what I wanted!






Step 2 is to contemplate how best to escape this contraption you're sitting in at the moment. Pretend to be doing no such thing, so Mom doesn't suspect anything out of the ordinary. (Although in my case, there isn't a lot that actually IS ordinary, but hey, give me a break!)









If you think it will help, pretend to be asleep.











Or very, very bored.










Once you have planned your route, set things in motion with great determination.











If Mom glances your way, just act like this is the most comfortable position you've ever assumed.










If extra people show up while you're working out the details, hide and refuse to answer any questions. Claim that you don't understand English, if you must.










Slowly slip out, a bit at a time and hope that no one notices.










Breathe a sigh of relief when you realize you're nearly there.










Try not to panic when your depth perception problems surface.









Once you've managed to clear the hurdles, strike your best model pose and act casual.











Kiss the ground when you reach it - that's good luck.









Study any sections you had difficulty with, and begin to incorporate into your thought process the alternatives for the next excursion.









Do not kick the offensive object, because you'll get new bruises.










Give Mom a completely and utterly adorable grin when she confronts you with the ridiculous "What are you doing??!!??" question. (Don't say anything like "What does it look like I'm doing??" - that makes Mom angry, and you'll get called a smart-butt.)









Carry on with your plundering of the goods as if this actually does belong to you.








Pay close attention to the small details of the item you originally set out to conquer.








Again, and I can not say this enough, a stern look goes a long way to keeping less able-bodied persons away from your treasure.











This type of manuevering works best when there are many other activities taking place around you.

For this particular exercise, Mom was distracted by a neighbor at the door needing to ask a question. The dumb dog was barking, so she had to be contained. (I should mention that this dumb dog has BEEN being contained for 2 weeks, because she is jealous of my new little baby foster sister, and her chosen method of stating her displeasure has been to begin eliminating her solid waste products on the floor where Mom can see. Mom has been threatening to take the dog away, but she says there's a little more room at the end of her rope to tie one or two more knots. I don't know what that means.)

While Mom was saying goodbye to the neighbor, my little brother smashed his fingers in the front door, and pushed the door shut with his bike. While Mom was cleaning him up, a mosquito flew in her ear. And the baby started screaming. I thought Savannah was going to pull out her hair. Instead she just put my little brother's jammies on him and took him to bed. Mom just stood in the middle of the dining room and laughed her head off. I think she's lost it.