Yes, There's a Pill For That

Completely Appropriate

One of the characteristics of Angelman Syndrome is inappropriate laughter. What is deemed inappropriate is often subjective, and therefore the use of that term when describing my son often triggers irritation in me. Of course, being that he's MY offspring, I should remember to give people a break, because I sometimes laugh at completely inappropriate things (and times), as well. So...Angelman Syndrome, or heritage? Guess we'll never fully know!

Gabe will laugh until he can barely breathe, watching small children run in circles. He thinks Tigger plowing...er, bouncing... Eeyore is hilarious. Horton Hears a Who is one of his favorite movies. I'm his mother. I know these things. So why have I never realized The Three Stooges would probably trip his laughter trigger?



Oh my word!

He LOVES that show! On New Years Eve, one of the cable channels ran a Stooges marathon. He didn't moooooooooove from his seat. Completely mesmerized.

He doesn't talk, but the belly laughs Crack. Me. Up!

Those City Slickers Miss Out On All The Good Stuff!

The following incident was published in our local newspaper, and with the exception of * is verbatim.

*names and addresses changed to protect the innocent?*

"At 1:27 p.m. Saturday, Lady A, 83, 123 Letter Avenue, stopped at 234 Edgetown Road, in front of Unit 121, to let a passenger into her vehicle. Lady A's vehicle lurched forward, striking the garage door. A vehicle in the garage owned by Lady B, 234 Edgetown Road, was pushed forward. Lady A then attempted to back out of the garage rapidly. In doing so, her vehicle sped across the street and a yard, striking the house at Unit 172. She then pulled forward back across the yard, crossing the street in a 292-foot half-circle and coming to a stop in front of unit 109. Both vehicles sustained non-functional damage. Lady A was cited for failure to control."

I always knew Barney Fife was precise, but...292-foot half-circle???!?

Schedulicity

Why You Should Choose Your TV Shows Carefully

We absolutely LOVE the Carol Burnett show. There was a 48 hour marathon on a few years ago, and we recorded a large portion of it. We've watched it over and over. Yeah, there's some scenes that are most assuredly NOT child-friendly...that's what they put a fast-forward button on the remote.

Savannah can do a pretty darn good Carol impression, and it cracks us up every time. In one of the episodes, Carol and Harvey Korman are sitting in a diner, and he has just been released from prison. Carol is portraying some loud-mouthed, gum-cracking floosie girlfriend and Harvey is nervous about attracting attention to himself. Seated at a table behind them is a biker guy. Carol raises her voice and sarcastically drawls something about "motahcycles and moooorons, moooorons and motahcycles". When Savannah repeats this, she gets the voice inflections PERFECTLY and we simply double over laughing.

Tonight, Tom and I were out walking with Tiffany and Dylan. The kids were happily riding in their little trailer while we strolled through our small town. Well, actually Dylan kept asking to go home, and I have no clue what was up with THAT, but we just kept telling him to shush it or we'd walk all night. The one police officer on duty passed us no fewer than 3 times. He waved each time, I think. See, they do like us!

Almost done with our walk, after a good hour of exercise, Tiffany was torturing Dylan with hair pulls, so Tom helped Dylan out of the trailer and he walked the remainder of the way home. Our house is on the same street as one of the two bars in town. This bar just so happens to be the tavern where bikers routinely hang out...LOTS of bikers. As we rounded the corner and the bar came into view, Dylan noticed a lone motorcycle parked outside the door of the fine drinking establishment. What didn't phase him was that there were three men standing within ten feet of the door.

"Motowcycwes and mowons...mowons and motowcyces...Dat what Sissy say!!!"


...........



We were not within earshot of these guys, but they're probably wondering why I was attempting to contain my grin when we walked by and said "Hi". My voice was only slightly squeaky.

Did I mention I was headed to Stuffmart to buy Zips, per Dylan's request a few days ago??? (Apparently when I tell him to "zip it" he thinks that's a possibility.)

Strange Things in Our Neighborhood Recently

It's Friday. Yeah!! Only it's Tom's weekend to work, so that really means nothing...

We brought this little fellow home from church a couple weeks ago. Not like this...



...he actually managed to cram himself into the vehicle, but the ride seemed longer than usual, for some reason. He currently resides on our front porch, until I can decide how to fillet him. Thanks so much, Friend-at-church-who-thought-you-were-funny-letting-my-kids-have-this....Your time is comin'...

My sister sent me an email with a automobile industry suggestion...we live reasonably close to the DIY, cheap-furniture company, Sauder's Woodworking ( WHY it's called Woodworking is beyond me, since it's sawdust and glue in a cardboard box that you hopefully don't screw up too bad when you put it together yourself) - apparently, Sauder's is taking over the manufacturing of cars now...



Yes, some assembly is required.



Now, I'm all for entrepreneurship. I'm all for the American Dream. I'm all for profiting while helping others...I couldn't face my father if I wasn't!

I've seen Pampered Chef and Tupperware advertised on some vehicles, in a basically non-intrusive, not in-your-face sort of way...

But...






uhhh....




rarely does this happen, but...

...I just don't know what to say...

You'll Find It In the Health and Beauty Department

This sign cracks me up...



..."even when"...??



Because if you're not, wouldn't you need the number to a place.....






... like this?


And along slightly related lines, if you are indeed active and on oxygen, (real or canned) there are certain times that refraining from proving that to everyone around you is a tremendous blessing. Check this out. (Embedding is disabled.)








(google, thanks for the image)

Holy Bagel, Batman! It's Jesus!

For those of you that missed out on the opportunity to bid on the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich...and haven't saved enough money to travel to the far corners of the world to view the obscure Jesus shadow on a church wall...and tried but just couldn't quite make the perfect omelet resembling Moses...

I offer you...



...the Jesus Pan.

Call your closest friend, and for a mere $29.99, you can both share in this spiritual bliss. What says "Jesus Love Me" better than a bagel with Freaky-Eye Syndrome!

You'll be the envy of all your family when you prepare your holiday meals with this special, life-changing pan. You may even be asked to preach at your church once your pastor finds out you Worship with Jesus at every meal. Order in bulk at a special discount - these make excellent Sunday School gifts! Pens with your church name are so yesterday!

Despite the oddly-placed punctuation, and the fact that Jesus looks like he's using weird halos to recover from a car accident, this special kitchen tool has been featured on the Jay Leno show, and everybody knows how spiritual that man's shows can be!

Don't schedule your next pancake supper/bingo night until you've called and ordered your Jesus Pans. Your church friends will thank you.

Eggstreme Makeover

What My Daughter Googles in Her Dreams

Savannah recently went to the pharmacy with me to retrieve Gabe's prescriptions. While we were waiting, she noticed the sign promoting the flu vaccine.

"OOOOoooo! For only $14.99, we'll inject you with toxins!"


Yesterday morning, she came downstairs laughing.

"Mom, I had this really stupid dream. I dreamed we were all at Teresa's house, and Mindy and some of the other foster moms were there. They had put up signs on all of Teresa's doors. They said, 'We support the flu shot'. I went around and put signs on the backs of all the doors. They said, 'I don't support the flu shot. Google it'."

Why DO All the Cows Have Udders in that Movie???

Having not come anywhere near mastering the art of ridding his body of waste products in a manner fit to be discussed in public, Little Mister D is none-the-less skillful in his defense of such problems.

Why, just this morning, as Mommy was changing his rather rankish behinder into something fresher, said Mommy oh-so-kindly stated "D, your butt smells like a barnyard."

D, not missing a beat - "I wike Barnwad. I git pig dare."

Yes, the speech has progressed nicely. Or not.

It's Elemental, My Dear

The following scientific report, along with mountains of other important discoveries, can be found at Natural News.

------

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

I've Done Both in the Past

I'm Thankful for Foundational Undergarments

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Christmas

According to my spam folder, BREAST IMPLANTS is THE HOLIDAY GIFT MEN REALLY WANT!!!

I guess I can skip Menards and Lowes this Friday - and all this time I thought that Cordless Drill set would be perfect!

How Much for Just a Small Bottle?

Today over at one of my favorite spots for clearing my arteries...



Does this potion make the waiting time seem shorter?

Evidence

That we do indeed have a two and a half year old oh-so-ALL boy in our home - one who is just beginning to be obsessed with sitting on the "pah see" for long periods of time, and producing nothing but mountains of unrolled toilet paper on the floor...

Look closely - while some would assume this is an anatomically correct Hulk, to a little boy, it's...



"Gween poopy"

This was announced while placing his hands on his sides and saying "queeze".

I think we can safely say that his speech skills have come quite far in 7 months. So have his sign language skills. So have his artistic capabilities.

Seriously, She Should Pay Me!

My wonderful, darling husband laughs every time I put my hair up like this. He tells me I look like Sarah Palin. Apparently he feels the urge to irritate me. I'll be so glad when this election cycle is over, and my hair style is no longer being hijacked by the Republican National Committee. I sure enough didn't get any of that $150,000 for her makeover last month!!

Fridays Are Test Days - In More Ways Than One

To clarify - my children are not responsible for these tests. A friend sent them to me.

To clarify - I would not put some similar nonsense past my children's minds.

To clarify - I think the big fat ZERO is hilarious!

And I Don't Hafta Go Right Now