All Without Modern Conveniences, Don'tcha Know

So tomorrow, if all goes as planned, we're loading five of our six kids, and three friends, into two vehicles and going camping for eight days. On Wednesday, we'll be coming home to check on the bathroom remodeling progress, spend some time with Gabe(he has school), clean our churches (this is the part of being self-employed that sucks!), exchange dirty clothes for clean, and deposit friends with their respective families. The remainder of the week will be spent friend-free, technology-free, and hopefully, sunburn-free.

Yeah, the circus is leaving town.

Your Beer Goggles Are Broken

It isn't often that I consume alcoholic beverages, but on occasion, I partake of a certain refreshment that shall remain nameless but who's initials are ...
















Tom prefers a tribute to Jimmy Buffett, and I will acquiesce if there isn't any Corona available.

















We make NO apologies - we DO fruit the beer!











We live just 6 or 7 miles from a winery, but we don't think we're snooty enough to visit. We are, however, considering a recipe of our own, and if the smells wafting from our backyard are any indication, pear wine might not be a bad idea.








But no matter how you slice it, this is one beer you won't find either one of us slurping down on a hot summer day. This is simply a remnant - evidence, if you will - that we can indeed co-exist on this planet with our neighbor. We have a long and sullied history with the guy. He took a disliking to us upon realizing that we had no intentions of spending countless hours grooming our lawn to his specifications. We're hopeful that his offer to purchase a broken down riding lawn mower is a gesture toward an eventual peace treaty. He must not have had a pipe, but he did leave this can behind when he finished making repairs to the confounded contraption.


I say all this as a segue to a comical, and mostly one-sided, conversation that took place between me and a different neighbor one day last week. This little smidgen of a man is apparently a confirmed alcoholic. He's probably mid-40's, 150 pounds or less, and just slightly resembles a bird wearing thick spectacles. Clearly, he's as familiar with his way down the liquor aisle as he is unfamiliar with good pickup lines and/or compliments.

I was holding baby T. in my arms, strolling down the sidewalk for a short break from the house, attempting to calm her down. (She's a bit colic-y in the evenings, and while I might be able to wind down with a bit of imbibing, that's generally frowned upon in these parts for 5 week old babies.)

I didn't even see this gentleman sitting on his front steps until I heard him say "How old is the baby?". I told him she's a month old.

"Well, I hope it's a grandchild, 'cause you don't look old enough to have kids of your own."

*&^&*^!!#$

I love a good bargain. I'm cheap that way. If you're in the market for home school paraphernalia, here's a good place to find lots of group buy discounted resources.

Until the end of August, Discovery Education has a huge discount on their streaming subscription. Alas, due to the condition of my computer, I won't be purchasing this particular item at this point, but I'd like to. My kids would love it! I need a new computer, first. It's on my list of Seriously Need to Think About Getting items. Right below Bigger Van, Dishwasher, Garbage Disposal, and Fourth Trash Can.

Who knew that adding 2 babies to your house would double the amount of trash a household can produce in a week!!

The computer alone is about to take up the space in one trash can! And you can just forget me being Environmentally Friendly and recycling this stupid thing! Going green is exactly what this heap-o-junk has done - every picture I see on this screen looks like the best man in my sister's wedding, which took place in a (non) air-conditioned church on a hot July afternoon.

It has me seeing red. Red and green combined produce brown. Brown is the color of...well, this is supposed to be a family-friendly joint, so we'll leave that word up to your imagination. But it's equivalent to how I endearingly speak of my computer.

There Once Was a Little Boy

6 years ago, he was 9.



















Now he's 15.


















Most days he can hardly wait till he's 18.



But for a few more very short years, I still get to make him Chicken Alfredo and No-Bake cookies. I still get to raise my eyebrows at his latest idea for a hair style. I still get to scowl when he whines about hanging out the laundry. I still get to enjoy clothes shopping with him. I still get to ground him for talking back. I still get to laugh at his jokes. I still get to help him tune his guitar. I still get to tell him goodnight each evening.

Today, Too

Oh, Good Grief!!

Short on Tolerance Today

This man has 2 months to lose some weight.

I like Brett Favre. His wife's name is Deanna. Maybe he should just stay home with her instead of screwing around with early retirement. I'd retire without squawking about my millions. But that's just me.

Our economy is not bad enough for many people to sit up and take notice. This proves it.

Did Obama really say this??? "There are some genuine ways in which we can provide some genuine relief to the high price in gas prices,'' Obama said today. "I believe we should give every working family in America a $1,000 energy rebate, and we should pay for it with part of the record profit that oil companies are making right now.'' I don't generally get my news from here, and I'm too lazy to search for this in other places, but I guess it does sound like his ideas. Now if only I can get my next-door neighbor convinced that he should share his retirement money with us, no matter how ill-gotten his gains!



Oh, good grief!

"Whaaat's Goin' On, Haeeere???!!??!?"

This is evidence that we do indeed have a garden this year. Despite the fact that we have neglected to pull weeds, (thanks to the mosquito infestation in our town,) we've still been able to pull a few vegetables off the plants and scurry back in the house before we get Draculated and infected with West Nile Virus.

As you can see, the zucchini, yellow squash, and acorn squash have provided a meal or two for us. We're just starting to get tomatoes. (Tom put nearly 60 plants in the ground - if any of you are lycopene deficient, please stop by - we can help.) Our green beans fared miserably. At last count, we had picked a whopping 3 beans from the stems. Our apple tree is going to yield lots of apples - we'll have to dodge the bad spots, but they should make decent applesauce. The pear tree is about to fall over from all the fruit we're just about to start picking.

But here's where it starts gettin' weird. We have a compost pile near the garden. We toss all of our peelings, rinds, eggshells, coffee grounds, etc on the heap. We have some type of squash plant growing in the middle of the pile. It has a multitude of blooms on it, but absolutely nothing edible. We have another type of plant, resembling a zucchini plant, growing in the compost.

Savannah just picked this ...thing... today, from the zucchini-imposter plant.









We didn't know what it might be, but it was about the size and color of some small seedless watermelons we saw at Walmart yesterday. We bought some watermelon earlier this year, and of course threw the leftovers on the compost pile. It's not watermelon. It has the taste of eggplant - very bland and basically tasteless, actually. It has the texture of waited-too-long-to-pick zucchini - kinda spongy. It has the shape of watermelon. It has seeds in the pattern of cantaloupe. It's too weird to eat. I think I'll name him...Bambi.




Then there's these guys.







They are actually IN the garden on plants that are SUPPOSED to be cucumbers!! The inside looks, tastes, smells and feels like cucumbers. Obviously, the outside is yellow-orange. They are planted near, but not overly close to, carrots, watermelon, peppers, cantaloupe and yellow squash.


My green thumb is actually blue, and needs resuscitation. Leave it to me to have mutant vegetables!!!