Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Scarred Grace

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then
I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything you've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Point of Grace, from their "How You Live" release





In a recent sermon, our pastor illustrated a point in a way that spoke volumes to me. He was preaching about the value of our lives. Removing a 20 dollar bill from his wallet, he asked who wanted it. Naturally, everybody did. He then crumpled and crushed it, threw it to the floor, stomped on it several times, spit on it, and picked it back up. Again, he asked who wanted it. Not as many people volunteered to take it, although a few still offered. After the initial "that's disgusting!" thought left my mind, I mused that if I had a big enough bottle of sanitizer, I could clean the money good and accept it.

Pastor Byron's point was that although people may see us as worthless, we still have value in God's eyes.

I've been thinking about this alot lately. How often do I think I need to sanitize myself for God? It will never happen. I can NEVER be clean enough to impress God. It's as if I'm trying to hide my human-ness from my God who knows everything about me. He knows my thoughts, my intentions, my hurts...He knows when I'm angry, and why. He knows that I really considered running the shopping cart into that lady at Walmart when she cut in front of me. He knows what I thought about saying when my neighbor gestured rudely at me. He knows that I'd like to tell the father of my son's friend what I REALLY think about his poor parenting skills. He knows! And yet He loves me anyway.

If I could be clean on my own, why would I need God? If I could forget everything evil that I've done, there would be no reason for me to depend on God. If I could erase the past, I wouldn't trust in God's mercy. If my scars weren't visible sometimes, I would think my own efforts could save me.

No matter how hard I try, I can never earn my way to God. I'm unworthy of Him. I don't deserve His love. God loves me anyway. Knowing that I'll mess up again, that I'll be hurt again, that I'll fail again, He still sees value in me. And because He knows what I need, He leaves the scars so I don't forget Who He is. Those are beautiful scars.

2 comments:

Pink Icing on the Cake said...

Oh Deanna, I am crying as I read your post. I think it was exactly what I needed today. Thank you my sister in Christ for sharing your heart. I feel you were obedient because someone out there (like me) needed to read that today. Bless you sweetie!

Maybe I could come help you with your room. I do that for people, help them rearrange and decorate. I'm serious, I'm not kidding!!

I pray that your day is wonderfully blessed today Deanna.

Hugs,
LeAnn :)

Deanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.