Sunday, November 16, 2008

My Pinocchio Aspirations

So lately I've been thinking that I'm kinda stuck in the house a little more than I actually like. I like my family, and wouldn't trade any of them for the world. (The jury is still out on the Stupid Dog, though...)


Every once in a while, a mother starts to wonder when she's gonna have 2 minutes alone in the bathroom. Apparently, I'm not the only mother that feels this way! A mom in THIS group used Tim Horton's restroom to confirm that she'll have even less alone time in her own!

The fact that we choose to homeschool doesn't mean we think we're superheros. Quite the contrary - some days, I think I'm a supergoof! Why would any sane mother choose to keep her teenage boys at home with her when she could send them off to have Nutritionally Balanced Meals, Positive Uplifting Morality Lessons, and Quality Social Skills-Building Time all while she relaxes peacefully at home eating bon-bons and catching up on As The Stomach Churns?

There was, and probably still is, a "Mom's Night Out" group in our area, but for various reasons, I've never been involved. I don't know many of the moms in that group, but while our children were involved in the local co-op a couple years ago (which has since been revamped and downsized considerably) I met a few of my fellow homeschooling mothers...

I. Do. Not. Fit. In.

Granted, I'm bettin' there's some other moms out there that let their kids read Harry Potter and wouldn't think I was goin' to Hell In A Handbasket if they saw the empty Corona bottle in my recycling bin, but the SuperChristianWomen with EVERY Joel and Joyce book ever written resting comfortably in their Crossings Book Club Bookbag next to their Vera Bradley-inspired Quilt-covered Bible kinda overpower reality, and it just isn't a battle I wanna pick!

One of the very first Fridays we went to co-op, I was discussing with a particular lady the fact that our two teenage boys don't share a drumset, they each have their own. She agreed I might be crazy. I mentioned that we had allowed this scenario because it would give the boys another way to irritate our very nasty neighbors, if we let them play their drums outside on our deck. This woman, having never worked at developing a mentoring relationship with me so as to be able to correct me with love while understanding that we all need to grow spiritually because this was the first time she had ever actually spoken with me!!, said "Now, Now...would Jesus act like that?"

Oh good grief!!!! Get a grip!

Does nothing ever irritate these women? I didn't say I would LET the boys do that. But trust me - I sure enough have thought about it! I've considered throwing rotten tomatoes and spoiled eggs at these neighbors myself! Doesn't mean I'd do it! I mean, we do have decency standards, not to mention noise pollution laws in our little town! I sometimes manage to control myself, if only from the sheer terror of having to spend a night in lockdown at the county jail which is located all too close to my backdoor! I can fit into polite society when forced!!

But...(and that's a bigger But than I can even begin to describe....)

Newsflash - I am a real person! I get angry! I am sarcastic! I don't always hold my tongue. (see nochurchsignsallowed dot blogspot dot com if that is in question) I just don't think I could sit through 2 hours of Which Curriculum Worked Best for Johnny and Susie, when what I want to do is confer with real women who have entertained the thought of using toilet paper in ways not intended, or real women who's children have heard them cuss (once...) because they're so mad at the world right now they could take Chuck Norris out with one hand tied behind their back, or real women who haven't Scrubbed Their Baseboards Behind the Dryer for the Glory of God in decades, or real women who can say the word "sex" without looking over their shoulder to be sure their children aren't listening, or real women who stuff themselves with brownies and don't feel one bit guilty about it, or real women who...

I am nothing if not real...

I really love Jesus -
I really like being at home with my family -
I really believe that homeschooling is what's best for my kids -
I really have really bad days sometimes that make me wonder if I have a brain at all -
I really detest when people make comments about "I just don't know how you do it!" and then don't offer help when they can see the dark circles under my eyes!
I really would like a group of friends that I fit in with, that appreciate my lifestyle enough to not say things like "I just don't know how you do it!"

Is that asking too much???

I really am a real person!

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