Memo to Store Associates Where I Will Be Shopping This Holiday Season:
(These would work well on any day, really...)
1. While I am shopping, please remain at a reachable, yet discreet, distance from where I am standing.
2. If I need assistance, I will ask you, provided you have heeded Guideline #1.
3. Please do not offer suggestions unless I ask.
4. Please do help me locate something if I ask, rather than pointing me "seven aisles over on your left past the tissue paper but before the erasers".
5. Please do not make snide-disguised-as-concerned comments about how tired my 2 year old seems because he is screaming. He is 2. He is tired. And maybe he's screaming because your makeup is freaky. I know I want to.
6. Consider not placing your clothing racks so close to each other. I need room for carts, strollers, and stretchy arms. Sorry about the hangers on the floor.
7. I do not want to open a store account. Cash still works fine. (Fiat currency that it is...)
8. Please don't get huffy with me when I argue that an item is not ringing up at the correct price. I remember my phone number from 35 years ago - it isn't likely that I'm wrong here. I'm just sayin'...
9. People manning the Jose Ebar booths at the mall - you annoy me to no end. Please drop the fake accent. I don't generally mean to be rude, but to you, I have to be - you won't leave me alone otherwise. No, you can not have a minute of my precious time. No, you can not ask me a question. I have no clue what brand my flat iron is. I bought it at Walmart for 15 bucks. Does my hair look straight? Thought so.
10. Follow these simple suggestions and you and I will get along supremely.