Monday, October 6, 2008

The Blahgly Top 100 (Sung to the Tune of Casey Casum's Weekly Top 40)

I currently have 8 friends on MySpace. Of those, 5 are family members, 1 is my best friend from high school, 1 is the daughter of a college friend, and 1 is a family friend/friend of Bucky's.

Bucky has 100 friends on MySpace. I think he doesn't even personally know many of them. They're bands, friends of friends, and people he's probably spying on, interspersed with actual friends. He makes fun of me because I "don't have any friends". I tell him I'm going for quality, not quantity. He's a people person, a party animal, a social dragon, so he doesn't get it. That's OK.

He may have 100 friends, but I...I... have 100 posts...right here in my own little world.

And so, to honor that fact, I'm going to list 100 strange things that are somehow vaguely related to me. These strange things won't change the world, light up a room, or bring world peace, but they make me grin,(mostly??) and it's my blog, so I can say them.

1. I was born in Albion, Michigan.

2. Albion, Michigan has a park by the cemetery.

3. We used to drink water from a natural spring in the park.

4. Last I knew, the natural spring was fenced off from the public because it's contaminated.

5. Now I get water from a natural spring outside Fayette, Ohio.

6. It has a lot of iron in it.

7. I hate ironing.

8. I once melted one of my mother's headscarves trying to do her a ironing favor.

9. I think party favors at weddings are a waste of money, unless it's chocolate.

10. The best kind of chocolate is milk chocolate.

11. I would like to have a cow so I could have free, raw milk.

12. Raw implies nakedness.

13. On vacation with my dad once, I made him laugh by making a smart comment about the Naked Furniture store we drove past.

14. My dad accidentally spilled Aunt Janet out of her wheelchair while we were laughing about the Naked Furniture.

15. We were walking into Denny's for dinner.

16. That vacation involved too many Denny's.

17. I have a brother-in-law named Dennis.

18. Uncle Ernie used to call him Denny.

19. Uncle Ernie called everybody by their name, plus y.

20. In the church I grew up in, most everyone was related, except our family, and a couple others.

21. We still call everyone Aunt and Uncle.

22. I was in Houston when Uncle Marvin died.

23. He was our Song Leader, and my favorite Uncle.

24. His wife dyed her hair.

25. That was a big No No.

26. I dye my hair.

27. Gray is a big No No.

28. Long gray is an even bigger No No.

29. I went to a chiropractor a few years ago and he gave his opinion on women having long hair.

30. He was pompous.

31. He didn't help my headaches.

32. Now I go to a really nice chiropractor that lets us borrow his sailboat.

33. I don't have headaches anymore.

34. He recommends strange beers every once in a while.

35. Blue Moon is OK.

36. Corona is still tops.

37. Our grocery store has a singles aisle.

38. I'm married, but I tried it out anyway.

39. YOU really shouldn't think that way!

40. I bought 6 different kinds of beer.

41. So far, I've only liked 1. Shock Top. Liberty Ale was DEEEEEESGUSTING!!

42. I'd make a horrible alcoholic.

43. I'd also make a horrible junkie.

44. I got to experience a morphine drip when I had a car accident.

45. When I told someone that I thought my head was sitting on my pillow beside my body, the nurse told me I was getting high legally and to enjoy it.

46. I enjoy lots of things, but being out of control isn't one of them.

47. I would enjoy a nice vacation with Tom.

48. I'd like to go to Italy for our 25th anniversary.

49. We've been married for 17 years.

50. We met on a blind date.

51. He was the 3rd Tom I dated.

52. Tom number 1 was a loser. Loser. LOSER. (How do I make that L bigger??)

53. Tom number 2 was a mama's boy. Mama's Boy.

54. He was 20. He had a curfew. Next.

55. Obviously, the ol' 3rd times-a-charm is true in my case.

56. After our first date, I was so impressed that I asked him for a 2nd date the following night.

57. We went to a Carman concert with my sister Teresa and her husband (Denny), and my sister Tam and her friend Randy. (I only know of one person who calls Tom "Tommy". If Uncle Ernie was still alive, I'd know two.)

58. On the way home, Tom told me I could lean my head on his shoulder, if I didn't drool.

59. ???!!???!

60. Tam thought that was extremely comical.

61. Randy fell asleep and went in the ditch on his way home.

62. When Tam was a teenager, and before I was married, I was the chauffeur for her and her friends. (Usually Tim, Dawn and Randy. Sometimes Angie.)

62. I took them to a Carman concert once. (Different time - before Tom)

63. At this concert, I was standing between Randy and Tam during a song where Carman had everyone dancing with their arms around each other's shoulders.

64. Randy flung his arm around me, being funny. His hand landed...well, his hand landed.

65. Randy was 15. Randy was embarrassed. Randy's hand disappeared just as quickly as it landed.

66. I had to bite.my.tongue. and figure out an appropriate amount of time to remain calm before I could safely lean over and tell Tam, without embarrassing the kid so much that he walked the 55 miles back home. (I'm dying, here.)

67. Randy is now a chiropractor, married to Angie Carrie, in a town about 6 miles away.

68. We don't borrow his sailboat.

69. We went to a boat show about a month ago.

70. My favorite was listed at $364,000.

71. I'd take one for much less.

72. Neither Tom or I know how to swim, but that wouldn't stop us from going to live on the ocean.

73. There aren't many chances of running into stupid people out there.

74. There are no Walmarts in the middle of the Atlantic. Yet.

75. I hate Walmart on Saturday. Shoppers in Dirty Pajamas Day. Stinky.

76. I prefer to shop there on Sunday. Shoppers in Church Clothes Day. Fresh.

77. I wear jeans and hoodies to church alot. But they're clean.

78. I like this time of year, cause I can wear my hoodies all the time.

79. I only have 3. Red Ohio State, Pink Nasa and Purple plain. (Christmas is coming.)

80. I don't think I'll ever be a Red Hat lady.

81. I've pondered starting my own Anti-Red Hat Club.

82. One of these days, I might get smacked down if I insult the wrong person.

83. I don't generally try to insult.

84. I just don't always care that what I say is offensive, since that's subjective anyway.

85. I've been removed from blog rolls. I think this
was just too much for some people.

86. It made me laugh. And ponder a post about Tidy Christians. I haven't gone there yet.

87. There's little that's tidy in my life. I actually hate that word.

88. Tidy implies boring.

89. I'm actually content to be a homebody most of the time, but I don't feel bored.

90. I don't feel the need to have Girls Night Out. Gag!

91. That term creates 2 pictures in my brain.

92. Drunk women acting stupid at a bar, and sober women sitting around talking about coupons, cooking and submitting to their husbands.

93. I think I'd need to go out with the drunk women to be able to tolerate the sobers.

94. I do use coupons and cook. And last I checked, Tom still wears the pants in this family. I'm happy to let him have that responsibility.

95. Growing up, women wearing pants was a No No.

96. Growing up, I had a dog named So So.

97. I also had a dog named Pete.

98. His mama was named Sugar.

99. I used to put sugar in my coffee.

100. Now I'm man enough to drink it non-sugared. (Who needs sugar when you put half a cup of French Vanilla creamer in it?)

101. I'm not too good at that countin' thing yet. Which explains why I'm posting this now, instead of 3 posts from now. (That, and just 'cause I can.)

Oh, time for me to shut up and sit down? Well, so there you have it. My life story in 100 easy bullet points. Which reminds me, I need to check into gettin' some shootin' apparatuses for deer-killin'. We had venison steak today, and it was quite yummy. I'm thinkin' 'bout givin' 'ol Annie Oakley a run fer her money. Or inviting Ted Nugent to my ranch.

2 comments:

Shamgar said...

I wouldn't see your lack of myspace activity as a negative. Myspace is a cancerous lesion on the face of cyberspace anyway. That trash is only fit for 13 year old girls and old guys on Dateline.

Personally, I'd rather slam my hand in a door than spend 30 seconds on a myspace page. The only thing you have to be ashamed of is that you have 8 friends who use myspace. ;-)

Deanna said...

It doesn't even take 30 seconds for a page with that much *bling* to freeze my ailing computer.
Scary!
;-)