Of Mouse and Me

It's no secret that my computer is dying. This relatively small mass of technology sitting in my house has been on it's last leg for several years. I might be on MY last leg from kicking the dumb thing! Today I've had to restart this confounded contraption at least 6 times. I've been quite unceremoniously booted from the Internet so often I've lost count. "You have performed an illegal operation..." Oh? Well handcuff me and send me to the clink! Does our country have a Technology Security Department that can arrest me and charge me with high treason? Oh, yeah I forgot. The Patriot Act made sure of that, with the creation of the Homeland Security Department, but never trust just ONE unneeded governmental office to do the job when two or seven or nineteen will suffice. But enough of the monologuing - this isn't about that subject...

I don't even pretend to convince myself, let alone any other human who lives in a developed nation, that I have the faintest notion on skillfully operating a computer. I readily admit that when it comes to being system savvy, I'm woefully inept. I don't often emit such atrocious words. I'm much better at bluffing than acknowledging that I have issues with which I'm not adequately prepared to deal. But ignorant I am, in this area. There. I've said it. I feel so much better about myself. Maybe I could start a 12 step program. "Hi, my name is Deanna, and I'm an idiot." I could fill a conference hall with personally handpicked attendees. Birds of a feather and all that... Just supply coffee, and nobody gets hurt...

But lest I have to take all the blame for my problem, just let me explain what I have to work with here. The device in question is the computer we purchased roughly 9 or so years ago, give or take a few months. It came fully loaded with Windows 98. (I have a brother-in-law who would scoff at that, and be able to point out myriad reasons why I should have never succumbed to that sales pitch. Again, not being properly equipped, I couldn't begin to argue with him. And granted, he does know his stuff, so I'll gracefully bow out of that debate, because I hate losing.)

Over the years, minor pieces have been replaced or added. I think that must be typical of computers, since I didn't have a problem locating the items when I needed them. I've successfully managed to install various programs. I often forget to uninstall the old programs, so naturally the system jams from overload. I'm bettin' there's a term for that, but in my bliss, I'm gonna ignore it.

A couple months ago, a friend from church took a look at the tower, he called it, and while normally this friend would have plenty to say, he basically just raised his eyebrows and informed me of the obvious - I need to update. Humph! Even I was starting to figure that one out. The monitor was showing some funky colors that aren't anywhere on the fashion wheel, so he sent me home with a 60 pound Gateway monitor to alleviate at least one problem. Wow! My kids' faces are flesh colored again in the pictures I have stored. They had been looking illishy green for long enough that I was considering calling the doctor.

On my list of things I really want, and actually need - a new computer with faster capabilities than the current model. I've been trying to browse through Shelly's homeschool stuff for quite some time, because she's WAY more organized than I am. It would be quite beneficial to my children's academia if I could utilize some of the information she provides. Nope - I think my computer's school philosophy is "If I can break it, why fix it?"

This thing is so outdated that it updated for Daylight Savings Time a week early!

Remember that last year DST extended into the first week of November? Oh come, come...you don't recall the government's further attempts to force you to become more energy efficient? (I'll note that the Honorable Ron Paul voted NO on that bill, thank you.) And speaking of ridiculous, I went into Walmart to buy light bulbs the other day - good ol' fashioned incandescents. I wanted 60 and 40 watts. Only I had to make the decision - do I want to go with the flow and conserve energy by purchasing the new 52 and 34 watt bulbs, because they no longer even HAVE the 60s and 40s available? No, I wanted bright light. So, I had to purchase the 75 watts, which isn't even 75 watts now - it's 67 watts! Am I saving energy? I don't think so! But wait, there's more - within a few years, they won't be available at all - because incandescents will be contraband. Geez, those government people are getting sneaky! If they can't cram mercury into our bodies through vaccines, maybe they can cram it into our homes with florescent light bulbs.

The fact that our government has outgrown it's britches has little to do with the fact that my computer is ailing, but given the fact that it's ME ranting right now, it should come as no surprise that the two subjects wind up marrying each other on this post. Too bad they won't have a happy honeymoon, as I'm about to go on a Gettin' Back to the Old Days rampage and shoot all technical devices in my house. Now where'd I put the BB gun?