Monday, October 6, 2008

Will I Trust Him?

I don't possess much of the virtue known as patience. I prefer to watch someone do something once, and try to fumble my own way through it, than sit down and read the instructions. Game rules drive me nuts. Assembly instructions get thrown across the room. And read a map? Ha! I'd rather get in the car, head south and hope to avoid Atlanta during rush hour, than sit and plan a route.

All these things, though, can be remedied with a little trial and error on my part. It helps my Patience Meter.

We are in a situation right now, however, that we literally have no control over. I can't model my efforts on what I observe around me. I can't throw a booklet when I'm frustrated. I just have to W.A.I.T.

And some days I think I'll bust open.

Today was the 6 month case plan review for Mister D. and Baby T. Circumstances have changed considerably since we got D. in April. What we thought was going to be a few weeks at most has turned into months, and gained us his infant sister shortly after her birth. Parents are not around. Family is showing no signs of wanting permanent custody. Each day, these precious babies settle deeper into their spot in my heart.

She has a dimple and gorgeous blue eyes. He has a cowlick and short little legs that run circles around everyone. She talks and yells at me every morning before I get her out of bed. He stands at his bedroom door knocking and calling for me. She likes to sit facing people so she can smile at them. He likes to eat the cookies I bake. She wants her blankie by her face. He wants Jo-Jo by his pillow. They are my babies. I am Mommy. But they aren't. And I'm not.

I have no control over this. But my God does. In my fear and impatience, I try my best to believe that. He does work all things for His good. He knows the plan.

1 comment:

dorothy said...

I can say it for you! This is ICKY! Don't you just want to move and change everyones names and not mention the fact that they are not your children ever again? I know you wouldn't....I shouldn't even put it in writing but there have been kids in our lives that we have had to release that I would have happily done time for if it would have given them a solid childhood instead of the 'no-mans land' of ongoing foster care. I vote you adopt. Don't I count as 12 votes? Too much coffee you think?