Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Politicians Smell Like Bile

Dear Senators Brown and Voinovich:

Pardon me while I clean the puke off my walls as I'm typing. You don't mind, do you?
I mean, since it's your fault I'm puking, and all, I didn't think you'd mind my multitasking. Maybe you could help, since it is your fault, you know. I realize, Senator Voinovich, that your heart is heavy, and it may put undue stress on your physical body if you perform manual labor, so never mind. I wouldn't want to impose.

I called both of you today. You were apparently otherwise occupied and couldn't step to the phone, so I left a brief message with your friendly office staff. They sounded weary. I'm guessing they'd been working hard for hours. I had to wait nearly 15 minutes to actually hear them speak. The music you chose to play for me while I was on hold was a little boring, but then, I couldn't hear it real well anyway, because my six children were all nearby playing and doing their school work.

Speaking of children, did I mention I have six? You might not realize this, but it's difficult to keep food on the table with that many children in the house. Three of my children are teenage boys. Have you priced groceries recently? Our grocery bill is sometimes double our house payment. And speaking of house payments, we make ours monthly. Faithfully. Like clockwork. Every month, we stick a check in the mail to our mortgage company. They've promised we'll be done with their program in 25.5 years. So I just have to ask you? Why do we get penalized when other people don't make their payments like we do? If I don't have enough money to buy milk tomorrow, do you mind if I come to your house and empty your fridge? 'Cause my kids are hungry.

Just as a little side note, because I'm curious and nosy by does the Current Economic Crisis Situation translate
into offering tax credits for cars you plug in? My van is 14 years old, and doesn't have electrical outlets. Can I just wrap an extension cord around it and get that credit? And how can you have a solar and wind industry tax credit? Does that mean God gets a refund next year? And why do certain rural schools need extra help because of this Economic Crisis? Oh, and please tell Senator McConnell, of Kentucky, that we all prefer he uses his own money to bet on horses, 'cause we really didn't want him using ours. I suggest you have dinner with Ron Paul if you don't understand why. (He'll pay for his own, thank you. He doesn't expect his bosses to pick up the tab.)

Maybe I wasn't clear on the phone this morning. I thought I was, but maybe you mistook something I said. Since I am your boss, I would surmise that you'd listen a little more closely, but perhaps your hearing is going bad. What I told your staff to relay to you was that I wanted you to vote NO on this Big Scam that President Bush is shoving down your throat. But you didn't listen to me. I don't think I need to give you the benefit of the doubt, because I don't think you're deaf. I think you're stupid, though. If you try real hard, maybe you can convince your psychiatrists that you have a mental health problem. I'm told this new bill you just voted for has an excellent way to fix those kinds of things. Oh, forget the trying hard part - unless your shrink is a politician, he'll see right through you. The rest of us do.

And I'm sorry, but I believe it's in our mutual best interest if you no longer work for me. So I'm going to have to fire you. After today, if we're lucky, my fellow Americans will fire their employees for being stupid, as well.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go calculate if my checkbook will ever recover from your fiasco, and then I'll resume picking off chunks of Chicken Alfredo from my woodwork. Do you know what that stuff smells like, recycled?

One Very Ticked Off Mom Who Will Never Vote For You Until You Have A Lobotomy And Come Back Human!!!!!

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