Grammatical Probables

Headline:

Police: Ex-convict suspected of killing 8 captured

Opening sentence:

GRANITE CITY, Ill. - Police and FBI agents captured an ex-convict suspected of killing eight people in two states as he smoked a cigarette outside of a southwestern Illinois bar Tuesday night



How is this possible?

The headline implies he killed something that had been captured. My curiosity is peaked. Piqued. Peeked.

The sentence makes him look like an omnipresent supervillian who's getting ready to hit on the blonde bombshell sittin' at the end of the bar drinking Jack Daniels. Were these 8 people in two states? Are they labeling this man the State-Line Murderer? How could he do this with only one hand? Or did he have one of those things musicians wear around their neck to hold their harmonica while they're playing a guitar at the same time, to hold his cigarette?

These are all questions one should ask oneself before publishing something online. Much like I do. Sometimes.

It wasn't anything exciting. But Mr. Edwards was my favorite teacher in high school, and he'd have a hayday picking
this article's errors to pieces. Then he'd raise his eyebrow at mine, too.


I really don't have too much time on my hands. Maybe it's the coffee.